As a professional matchmaker with twenty years experience bringing couples together, I love to watch trends – patterns of problematic dating issues developing in our culture.
The troublesome question I’m seeing from my female clients this month:
“How can I get the guy I’m interested in to pursue me?”
“I got a second date invitation from the man I didn’t really like, and the one I DO like? He’s not called. What’s up with that?”
Here’s what I’ve determined needs to be present for a man in order for him to step up to the plate and court a woman the way she wants to be courted. In order for a man to pursue a woman, he needs to be:
Attracted. He needs to have The Hots for you, and no matchmaker on the planet can cause that to happen for a man. Women have a far greater natural ability than men do to develop physical attraction over time, even if he’s not “her type” physically when she meets him initially. Secret: Pay attention to and give a real chance to the men who ARE attracted to you, and who ARE stepping up to the plate to pursue you, rather than hoping and praying that the one YOU like will respond to or initiate contact with you. Choose from the men who DO have The Hots for you; the cuties who aren’t responding to you? You don’t likely have a shot at them, so, well…best to move on.
Amused. If he’s not having fun being with you, he’s not likely to extend an invitation to be together again. The women who are receiving lots of second and third date invitations? They’re the ones men are describing as “fun, playful, upbeat, positive, adventurous, warm, engaging, sweet” — The women who are left out in the cold? They’re being described as “critical, fussy, judgmental, cold, materialistic, self-absorbed.” – OUCH, right? Don’t be that girl, OK?
Appreciated. The women who expect royal treatment, especially early on in the dating process…oh my…their suitors are vanishing quickly. Tough Reality: The more resources a man has, the more wary he will be of women who are looking to take advantage. Express sincere appreciation for all of the little acts of generosity that are being shown to you by the men you’re dating. If he detects a sense of entitlement? He’ll run the other way…A sincere Thank You, reciprocity, and generosity on her part goes a long way with today’s Modern Day Man.
Available. A man will only court a woman if timing is right for him. Don’t make the mistake of dismissing a man if he doesn’t do what you want him to do when you want him to do it. He might not be calling you this week for very good reason. Keep your energy and your vibe crisp, clean, and positive – when timing IS right for him, you want to be the first person he’s thinking about.
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