Getting Ready for Relationship in 2011:
In working with women and men in 2009 whom created big, sustainable results in their lives, it has become apparent to me what “works” and what does not work in become what Success Coach, Bob Proctor, describes as a “Goal Achiever.” And before I go on, and, because I know you are interested in what kind of results I’m talking about, let me be specific…
Weight Loss – I have clients who have, in total, lost nearly 100 collective pounds without struggle, deprivation or really “trying” to lose weight
Career – The number of job promotions, increases in income and businesses that have been started are mind-blowing. Of course, when each of these people came to work with me their intention was merely to “find love.”
Confidence – I can say that each person who has worked with me in the past year, whether it has been in a group coaching setting, the Relationship Rejuvenation Retreat, or private coaching, has created levels of confidence they had never before experienced. The pay-offs that come from this confidence have included dating better men, enjoying the dating process, improved family relationships, feeling happier, and the ability to more easily weather the storm of emotions like fear, sadness and anger.
Long-term partnership – In 2009 three of my clients became engaged and one couple was married in March. One of my clients, who came to be in the heat of a horrible breakup, is now moving into a dream house with her boyfriend and has never experienced a more fulfilling relationship. (She was previously divorced and in a string of relationships with “bad boys.) The other clients have survived breakups, are having fun dating for the first time ever, and are truly enjoying life now that they are free from the “if only I had a partner then…” mentality.
So, in preparing yourself to become a “goal achiever” in 2011, I am sharing with you an exercise you can do to become a woman who is not merely “wishing” for love, but is willing to work at it. And last, before I finally dig in to the questions, there are some of you who may say, “I have done this type of work before. The truth is this: These things don’t work for me.”
There is only one answer I have to this common question/comment — In order to get a different result, you must change either a thought, feeling or an action. In this case, the belief you have that “these things don’t work for me” is limiting your ability to create new results. And so, from this point, we now dig into the questions to set yourself up to achieve all of your goals in 2011:
How willing, on a scale of 1-10 (10 being 100% willing) are you to give up your commitment to ALL the beliefs that limit your growth? For example, the belief that…
you are too old
there are not any men in your age group who want to date women your age
you have tried it “all” before and it doesn’t work for you
the men on (insert website name here) are not your type
online dating doesn’t work for me
I put myself out there, but there are not any good men left
I’m too fat
Men are intimidated by my success
What are these beliefs? (Write down at least 3). Once you make a list of all the beliefs you hold as the truth, determine if you are truly willing to release them in 2011. Next, make a list of what actions, thoughts and beliefs will replace these “old” beliefs and rules that have been guiding your thinking in 2009.
2. Of all the thoughts, feelings, and actions listed above, what are 3 specific NEW actions, thoughts and beliefs you will choose to replace these “old” beliefs and rules that have been guiding your thinking in 2010? What kind of structure or systems will you create to help you practice this new way of thinking?
3. What are 3 goals you want to achieve in 2011 that can be measured externally? (e.g., a relationship, 10 lb. weight loss and maintenance, new revenue in your business or a promotion) What are 3 goals you want to achieve in 2011 in your “inner” life? (e.g., better relationship with you family of origin, breaking free of a romantic rut that leads you to consistently date the same “unqualified” men, increased confidence, the ability to stay present more frequently)
4. In order to achieve the goals you set for 2011, what do you need to learn to make it happen? What change in thinking needs to occur? What new skills will you need to learn? Who will support you, and when will you ask for this help, or set aside time to research the available options?
5. . Who will help you accomplish these goals? Who is on your dream team that helped you get there? Is it somebody that you already know? Maybe you don’t even know these people. When will you ask for this help, or set aside time to research the available options? Whatever pops into your mind don’t question it! Don’t think that it’s ridiculous, or that this person (or people) doesn’t even know anything about what you are doing. Allow whatever is coming into your mind to just go through your pen. Write it on that page, because we have no idea how the universe will help you once you are FREE from the beliefs you listed in question 1.
6. What incredible ideas and insights will you have that could catapult you into a new experience of your life in 2011? Take two minutes of silence, (yes, set a timer on your phone or an alarm) close your eyes and ask your inner self this question. Allow your mind to wander, gently guiding your thoughts back to the question. Once the two minutes have passed, write down EVERYTHING that came to mind.
7. What fears will you choose to overcome to have the life you want one year from now?
8. What are 5 things you acknowledge yourself for ( or appreciate about yourself) that you achieved in 2010? Write yourself a letter of appreciation – a love letter to yourself! Don’t skimp on this step! Be generous! This is a critical step, as the Universe will not conspire to give you more if it senses you are not in gratitude for what you have! Besides, how will you allow anyone else to love you if you do not take time to express your love of self!
9. What is the #1 thing you want to forgive yourself for in 2010? When will you set aside time to engage in a ritual of forgiveness? Again, taking time for this ritual creates space in your heart and soul for love of yourself, and is this love of self which will ultimately lead to love of another, as well as the ability to truly receive love. Once you set the date (preferably before January 1, 2011) take the paper where you have written what you are releasing, and light it on fire, offering a blessing of forgiveness and love. Observe your new sense of peace and healing as the energy of resentment and self-doubt is transformed into a beautiful, pure light energy.
10. How will you express appreciation for and love of yourself in 2011? Whether it’s getting a massage, or taking one Friday off each month to nurture and rejuvenate yourself, decide now and then mark these dates on your calendar.
Taking the time to get clear and intentional regarding 2011 means one thing — that you are choosing to DESIGN your life next year, rather than just allowing the default life you have already created to play itself over again with small, minor adjustments. The men and women I described above chose to play BIG in 2010 and through engaging in this process, have designed incredible lives filled with joy, peace and the ability to understand and live through emotions.
Now it’s your turn!
If you want accountability, I invite you to email me your answers to these top 10 questions at Marni@datingwithdignity.com. And if you want to know what default tendencies may jump up to bite you in the butt on Jan. 17 (or March 17 or whenever you typically lose steam), register to take the D-Factor Date-Ability Assessment today and work with me during a one-on-one coaching session to reveal what exactly has been holding you back so that we can create a plan together for your individual success in 2011!
I’m raising my cup of coffee to your brilliance from the Lanai in Maui. Here’s to a fully potentiated YOU in 2011 and beyond!