There is a very good chance that you are checking out this site because you are ready to attract a substantial relationship into your life, and want to move on from short-term action or hook-ups. So, what’s step one? Well, you already did it; you acknowledged that you are ready for a healthy, substantial relationship! Step two: find out if you are really ready for a substantial relationship.
With this new commitment to a healthy relationship comes a change in behavior, actions, and expectations. This can be difficult because short-term dating can be super fun. Hooking up is sexy and a great end to a night. Being the life of the party and enjoying endless boy fun can be tremendously entertaining and hard to let go of. However, to get on track towards manifesting a good chap in your life, the first place you will need to start is with your own focus and behavior, and that means some sacrifice in other areas of your life. This might mean some lonely nights, the loss of immediate gratification from frivolous flirting via text message, and your inner “make-out bandit” will have to be shut down when you show up at the office party and the cute new intern is trying to make a move on you. Nope. You have committed to a new focus. You want to graduate from manimals to boyfriend material and that road gets much brighter and a bit more obvious… once you stop feeding the manimals.
I get it. You are psyched for your new focus and you meet a guy via internet dating or maybe at a work function, and the two of you head out the following week. There is a great connection on that first date, the sushi and saki are flowing, you enjoy a great walk along the esplanade afterwards, and gosh darn it, he is so cute and adorable that you indulge in a little make-out session in the car. Next thing you know you are at his place and, oooops–there goes your sex barrier. The deed is done and you show up to work the next day wearing the same clothes you had on the day before. And suddenly, he seems disinterested. Or maybe you do, since the sex happened way too quickly and now you think he may be a slut. So much for the new focus.
To help dodge these traps for the newly reformed dater, here is one easy step: DAY DATING. That’s right–if there is light, then it is right. Tell that cute intern at work to meet you at Starbucks for a nice latte at 2pm. Email the good looking engineer on Zoosk and have him pick you up at noon to check out the day exhibit at The Museum of Contemporary Art. Suggest you love the beach and roller blading on a sunny day to the fellow you met at happy hour. Daylight makes the whole date a bit more casual and relaxed. The sun is out, and there is a natural end to the day date, since you’ve got plans for the evening. You share a nice hug and then you’re off. If there was a little flicker during those few hours, awesome–a great cause for another date. If there was absolutely none, well, you only lost a couple afternoon hours and didn’t have to deal with the awkwardness of declining his invitation to come up to his apartment. But, your odds of heading off course by hooking up, revealing too much, or falling into any other dating pot holes go way down.
The bottom line is this: your time is valuable; whether you are a college grad, a professional, or a working mother trying to balance many responsibilities. So, when you get set up, meet someone online, or bump into a cute guy at the grocery store, you certainly do not have to spend one of your precious nights on some bloke you don’t even know. Begin with the day date. It can even be on your lunch hour. What better way to break up the work day than spending an hour in the company of a gentleman caller? Time, money, and energy is well conserved, not to mention your bedroom, which won’t be opened up to company until a commitment is shared.
So, start cracking on those day dates. If he’s not into the idea, then he is probably deep in the action of his manimal species and, therefore, not a match for your new focus. Believe me, if he is interested in more than what’s under your blouse, he will be game for that 2pm museum date.
Have fun out there and email me if you are in need of some good day date ideas. I have a bunch!