Hey Maya, it’s hard to tell just from your question whether these guys are being condescending, or if you’re being a little overly sensitive. The truth is, men love to help women; it’s how they show they care. If you can shift your view on their advice from being “bossy” to being “caring” and “invested”, I think you’ll do much better.
I love your Dating with Dignity series. It is so sensible and empowering. I have one question. Regarding your MANimals-you have written only about 4-5 types. What about guys who are stick around are not “hunting” or cry babies but don’t have the maturity to act responsibly? They behave like little boys who don’t necessarily need you to take care of them but they don’t really take care of you either. They are different from Quality Casuals because it is not that you are their last priority. They just simply don’t know how to BE THE MAN. What would you call this category?
Also, what about guys who are boyfriend material, will date you for several years be committed, even get engaged but bail at the last moment because their parents disapprove or they chicken out because they THOUGHT they wanted you but didn’t or they are simply scared of marriage or not “ready”. Would such a guy show signs beforehand? I have seen many of my girlfriends being “left” at the altar so to speak by seemingly good boyfriends who didn’t fight for them and MAN UP. In some cases these same guys went ahead and married another woman right after. What do you call this kind of guy and how do you identify them?
One more thing-in my dating experience, I have often encountered guys who tend to “boss” me around or tell me what to do or give me unsolicited advice compulsively or solve my problems. No matter how many times I tell them I don’t like that, they can’t seem to help themselves and repeat it or deny they were trying to boss me or pout/get offended. There are two things I am wondering about. Usually this advice is plain wrong or so obvious that I know it already. You mentioned that to be feminine is to receive but I really don’t like receiving unsolicited advice. It is irritating. It is not that I feel that I have something to prove and I would love to accept help where it is truly required and do not feel ashamed of asking for help. But somehow when guys start telling me what to do, even if it comes from a place of caring I feel uncomfortable, resentful and angry. I find it especially bothersome when guys do it with air of condescension and act as if I’m a silly little girl-in their tone of voice or the way they talk looming over me (I’m 5’0 tall and slightly plump with a baby face and soft high-pitched voice). Sometimes I wonder if it is because of the way I look but I cannot really change it. I don’t want to try to appear tough and masculine-I am happy with my small self and baby face. I just don’t like being bossed around and value my independence.Is it unfeminine on my part to resist their advice? How do I remain feminine but not receive what I don’t want? Is there something the matter with them? Are they just arrogant macho men who perhaps lack the social skills to give advice respectfully or know when to shut up? Are they picking on me because I seem weak and helpless to them? How do I stop this without alienating men? This behavior really turns me off and I don’t feel like dating these guys. I want to feel respected and treated as an equal partner. I am happy to receive help from men but not because I am helpless and weak but because they are happy to do things for me. I dislike the tone in their voice and the seemingly superior attitude. Am I misreading/misjudging them? Does this mean I am not secure in my feminine? Should I just pass these guys and look for others who fit my criteria?
I would love to hear from you:)