I love the interactivity of Facebook. Yesterday I received a great question via a comment I made regarding “dating with dignity.” The person replied to my comment, in frustration I can surmise, wondering why dating has to be so complicated. She wrote further, I don’t get it. “Dating to get Mr. Right,” “Dating Over 40.” Why can’t we just simply “date?”
I love this question, because it is true. Dating isn’t too complicated — especially if you show up without the junk from your past clouding who you are. It is only the thoughts, feelings, patterns, bad break-ups, anger and resentments, expectations, and the myths created by the plethora of romantic comedies you watch on the big screen that make dating complicated. That said, it is your responsibility to make sure that when dating seems complicated, that you take time to step back and look at why exactly this may be occurring:
1. Do you have a clear picture of your five relationship deal breakers — the things that you just can’t compromise on regarding his income, charm, looks or the fact that he is kinder than any other man you have dated? Once you are clear on these things, making dating choices becomes a kinder, gentler process.
2. Are you dragging the junk from your past into the present, impacting your future negatively? If you were “left,” “hurt,” (who wasn’t, right?) or want to communicate that you don’t “need a man” because of what happened before, (were you ever accused of being “needy?”) check it at the door. A man deserves that you just date HIM, not him plus the five other men whom you dated in yesteryear.
3. Are you comfortable setting boundaries, ensuring that men you date respect them, and don’t get “dragged under” by their charm, manipulation or sheer fear of not meeting someone else when you assert yourself and make sure your boundaries are kept? It is the fear that “this the best I can get,” that can make dating complicated. When you are disconnected from honoring the still small voice inside, it makes dating complicated, steering you further away from the right road for you.
4. Are the “Limiting Beliefs” you have regarding dating in check? For example, do you think it is harder to date successfully in your town because of your age, baggage, wrinkles, size or history? If so, then it is this very thought can make dating complicated. These limiting beliefs can cause you to analyze, over-think, wonder what “he’s thinking,” and make excuses when, in fact, the truth is that when you are AUTHENTIC, compassionate, kind, clear and refrain from playing games you will attract the best match for you into your life like a MAGNET. And when this happens, dating is rarely too complicated.