Today, Dating Den cohost Christian Anderson answers one special dignity dater’s burning question.
I hate being the ‘back burner’ girl. Often, during the earliest getting-to-know you stage of online dating, a guy may email or call me once a week or so. The conversation is interesting enough to warrant a follow up…in another week. When this happens, I get the feeling that I’m not the guy’s first choice; he’s spending more of his time and energy on hotter prospects. My practical side says I should chill. After all, this is how the game is played. But, when I feel like I’m a man’s distant runner-up rather that his first choice, I get frustrated and wonder if I should bother continuing to communicate with him.
Yes! I think you should definitely continue communicating with him. There is a huge field out there being played by everyone, especially in a major metropolitan city. You might feel like the second option, but the reality is that you might be a part of many options. It’s the world of dating. Each one of us has the beautiful freedom to move up and down the buffet of potential partners and see what works and what does not. From each person we date, we learn a tremendous amount about ourselves and what clicks for us in a partnership. This guy may be dating two or three girls at the same time, which would lead to one to two dates a week, depending on his schedule, and he will continue to do that until he is ready to focus on one person, or if he begins to really click with one of the girls and feels no interest in going on other dates.
So, I encourage you to continue hanging out with him. The weekly dates or conversations allow the relationship to grow at a slow, healthy pace. In the meantime, date other men, and get more information about yourself, dating, relationships, and men in general. I firmly believe that the more you look at these dates as “data dates,” and not as searches for “The One,” you will find “The One” or a lifelong partner faster. You will be more open, available and relaxed, and you will have months of dignified dating to put you in the right place for him. I think dating is there for us to not only play the field and see what’s out there, but a wonderful journey for us to be prepared for “The One.” Ok, I am going to stop using that phrase, since I don’t really believe there is just “One.”
Keep chatting with him, keep chatting with others, and keep growing. If it is meant to be something bigger with him, then it will. You might just learn something more about yourself by dating him, and I do mean dating (which means a nice slow pace physically and emotionally).
We all have demons to face, self awareness to gain, and selflessness to practice as we move along the adventurous path of dating. Take it all in; be open, honest, patient, and always, always, have fun!