Happy Tuesday Dignity Daters! It feels like a Monday to me, as I took the day off yesterday to renew and rejuvenate after an incredibly powerful and transformative Relationship Readiness Rejuvenation Retreat. I enjoyed each moment of the day, from the empty aisles at Costco and the manicure/pedicure I shared with my youngest daughter, to the few hours watching trash TV with my middle daughter, Rayna, it was fabulous. I also noticed my energy shifting, as night approached, and watched my feelings towards doing some work move into the “choose to” position. It is a joyous experience to be in choice….
In choosing a topic for today’s blog, Angelica asked me a powerful question: “If there is one piece of BONUS information you could have shared with the students at our Relationship Readiness Rejuvenation Retreat this past weekend, what could it have been?” While there were a zillion topics we covered, two and a half days (believe or not) only scratched the surface of the plethora of tools, techniques and processes that are available in the Core Energy Coaching system I use at Dating With Dignity. And one piece that is exceptionally powerful is to tap into the power of MEMORY.
MEMORY plays an important role in how we hold on to limiting beliefs, process information and make choices in the world. For many women, the painful experiences we hold in our memory — memories of the past — are inhibiting our ability to live in the present. At the retreat last weekend, there were moments of frustration when a woman in class would share her “proof,” emphatically stating that her limiting beliefs are based on TRUE events that happened in her life. And yes, while the pain that stems from those moments is real, it does not have to be the UNIVERSAL TRUTH. Gratefully, by Saturday afternoon, fellow students would joyfully remind each other that these limiting beliefs are only true if we choose to continue letting what has happened in the past determine what happens in the present and thus the future.
Instead, we invite you to begin using your memory as a tool that can actually work in your favor, catapulting you forward in manifesting your vision. This can be done by anchoring — or holding on to — the thoughts, experiences, and situations in which you experienced a “win.” Here’s how:
1. For example, if you believe that men will not date you because of your age, wrinkles or body type, remember a time in which a man WAS interested in you. Remember the smile you received. Remember his interest in you, and close your eyes connecting to the FEELING state of this experience. Stay in this moment for up to 30 seconds, noticing your energy shift as you experience the positive feelings associated with this memory.
2. Ask yourself important questions about the “old” memories and the resultant beliefs. For example, is it true that ALL MEN on the PLANET EARTH truly will not date women your age? Really? Or, ask yourself where you learned this belief, and then ask if it is true NOW?
3. Understand that whatever happened in the past, has passed. You are not the same, and the people, places and things are not exactly the same. For example, perhaps you tried internet dating 1-2 years ago and decided it does not work for you. Your memories of the experience are horrible. And, as a result, you choose to belief that if you do it again it will be horrible. For this to be true — that it will absolutely be horrible — the following would have to be true: (1) the exact same men are on the dating site on which you enroll, (2) you are EXACTLY the same in every way, physically, spiritually and emotionally, and (3) the Universal and physical truths about internet dating are EXACTLY the same. The only way it will be truly horrible is if you choose to decide it will fail before you begin.
4. Begin to take risks, anchor to the positive results and notice the process you use to achieve the result. Remember the “wins” and take note of what you did to successfully power through a “dark” time. Notice EXACTLY what works for you, and then when you experience a new challenge, employ the successful process you used last time to gain mastery of your emotions, life and the results you achieve.
Become empowered and begin to use your MEMORY as a positive tool that can help you move forward. In choosing to focus on what works and what is “right,” you will raise your energetic levels, enjoy increased levels of happiness and success, and begin to become a MAN magnet.