I was thinking about holidays yesterday, and how the men I dated in the past influenced my experience of Fourth of July. There was the “Big Breakup” guy who told me, point blank, on July 4th, that he wanted to cancel plans because he “wanted to hang with his friends, drink some beers, play pool and chill. He then said that I should ‘get it,’ intimating my disappointment was inappropriate. He also told me I was being”needy” when I retorted to his change of plans, claiming, “Most guys wanna spend time with their girlfriends on the Fourth of July.” He wouldn’t buy it, however, and the rejection sent me into a downward spiral that lasted the entire night. Sure, I went to watch the fireworks with a girlfriend, but I remember feeling acutely sad, embarrassed in that fact that my “man” had no desire to smootch me during fireworks, and very, very hurt.
After moving on from “Big Breakup” guy, I begin to grow and change significantly. I did personal work, shifted energy and as a result met a guy I adored. He was very much “into” me when we began dating, and it was with him that I first realized that when it came to sharing a bed with someone and waking up in “his space,” I would get a case of the “heebie jeebies.” The second the lights went out, teeth brushed, and cuddle time over, I wanted to BOLT. Yep, I didn’t like one thing about the sleepover. I remember thinking, “wow, men must feel like this when they like the person they are with, but not enough to want to wake up to them the next day.” This relationship came to an end near an event that happened, coincidently, around the Fourth of July. Just prior to sunset, SleepOver Guy told me he wanted to leave the party, and call it a night. He had to wake up early for work, he said. “Ugh,” I thought. This sucks. Another ding in my Fourth of July memory bank. I was disappointed, as I wanted desperately to have the romantic kiss with him. I had pictured it perfectly the entire evening, envisioning him leaning over the balcony at my friends home, kissing me underneath a blazing sky filled with reds, whites and blues.
Needless to say, that didn’t happen. We went home, had sex, and per usual, I bolted immediately afterwards. That relationship ended shortly thereafter.
This year I had a lovely holiday with The Brit. As he typically has been “holiday phobic,” and this isn’t technically his holiday at all, he sweetly asked permission to “slag off” this favored American holiday. I answered lovingly. “No, I don’t want to hear a word of it.” (Yes, I actually said this without a touch of bitchiness, bitterness or anger.) I went on. “I want you to simply be my boyfriend. Let’s enjoy the time we have together, without the kids, share a fun new experience and connect to each other underneath a painted sky.” He smiled, took me under his arm, and gave me a kiss.
During Fireworks he kissed me, whispered that he loves me, and held me close. It felt good. It has not been an easy journey to get to this place. In fact, it’s been the hardest thing I have ever done. It takes work, intention, patience and support.
If you want to put an end to the holiday blues, and are looking for support I have a solution. If you want to CLEAR the hurt from the past that has resulted in putting up impenetrable walls, are experiencing fear and bitterness that leaves you simply exhausted and frustrated, and are interested in learning new ways to communicate to be the girl that men want to commit too, check out the Relationship Readiness Retreat I am hosting this weekend in Malibu, CA.
The team of teachers I have assembled is STAR quality. My colleague and fitness/health guru, Erin Huggins, (who you met on the video above) will be on hand to teach, and amazing photographer, Christina Morassi will be working with each student to bring out her TRUE BEAUTY and then capture her heart in a headshot she can use for the ultimate profile pic. Christian Anderson, MAN PANELIST and Dating Den Co-host will be coaching participants too, giving them the real insight to the “Vibe Effect” they have on men whenever they walk into a room. Of course, I will be teaching alongside personal development guru, Tessa Alburn, the Director of Graduate Programs for the Hoffman Institute (the place where I went to clear my clutter and heal my heart.) We have created a very powerful process designed to leave you feeling healed, empowered, changed and READY for love. Registration closes Wednesday, July 7. Email Marni to register NOW.