Dating With Dignity

Dating…dating…dating…

Is he the one? Will he be able to “get” me?

He just said he plays video games, OH NO! Is his age going to be a problem?

He’s an artist. That could mean he won’t make much money; how will he support kids?

Why did he just talk to the waiter that way? He doesn’t eat meat-that could be an issue.

I better ask some more questions to find out if he could be the one.

Will I ever meet the one?

We rain these questions upon ourselves during the dating process. Sometimes we walk into these dates with so much anticipation or inquiry about the future, that we forget to be present in the moment…the experience. Granted, we all have our non-negotiables that we would rather not stray from, but if we marry ourselves to the “bullet points” of what might make a strong mate, and enter the dates with the specific intention of “interviewing” the men we are with, then we lose the experience, the development, and the self growth that happens in the moments of dating.

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Happy Tuesday Dignity Daters!  It feels like a Monday to me, as I took the day off yesterday to renew and rejuvenate after an incredibly powerful and transformative Relationship Readiness Rejuvenation Retreat. I enjoyed each moment of the day, from the empty aisles at Costco and the manicure/pedicure I shared with my youngest daughter, to the few hours watching trash TV with my middle daughter, Rayna, it was fabulous.  I also noticed my energy shifting, as night approached, and watched my feelings towards doing some work move into the “choose to” position.  It is a joyous experience to be in choice….

In choosing a topic for today’s blog, Angelica asked me a powerful question:  ”If there is one piece of BONUS information you could have shared with the students at our Relationship Readiness Rejuvenation Retreat this past weekend, what could it have been?” While there were a zillion topics we covered, two and a half days (believe or not) only scratched the surface of the plethora of tools, techniques and processes that are available in the Core Energy Coaching system I use at Dating With Dignity.  And one piece that is exceptionally powerful is to tap into the power of MEMORY.

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I was thinking about holidays yesterday, and how the men I dated  in the past influenced my experience of Fourth of July.  There was the “Big Breakup” guy who told me, point blank, on July 4th, that he wanted to cancel plans because he “wanted to hang with his friends, drink some beers, play pool and chill.  He then said that I should ‘get it,’ intimating my disappointment was inappropriate.  He also told me I was being”needy” when I retorted to his change of plans, claiming, “Most guys wanna spend time with their girlfriends on the Fourth of July.”  He wouldn’t buy it, however, and the rejection sent me into a downward spiral that lasted the entire night.  Sure, I went to watch the fireworks with a girlfriend, but I remember feeling acutely sad, embarrassed in that fact that my “man” had no desire to smootch me during fireworks, and very, very hurt.

After moving on from “Big Breakup” guy, I begin to grow and change significantly.  I did personal work, shifted energy and as a result met a guy I adored.  He was very much “into” me when we began dating, and it was with him that I first realized that when it came to sharing a bed with someone and waking up in “his space,” I would get a case of  the “heebie jeebies.”  The second the lights went out, teeth brushed, and cuddle time over, I wanted to BOLT.  Yep, I didn’t like one thing about the sleepover.  I remember thinking, “wow, men must feel like this when they like the person they are with, but not enough to want to wake up to them the next day.”   This relationship came to an end near an event that happened, coincidently, around the Fourth of July.  Just prior to sunset, SleepOver Guy told me he wanted to leave the party, and call it a night.  He had to wake up early for work, he said.  ”Ugh,” I thought.  This sucks. Another ding in my Fourth of July memory bank.  I was disappointed, as I wanted desperately to have the romantic kiss with him.  I had pictured it perfectly the entire evening, envisioning him leaning over the balcony at my friends home, kissing me underneath a blazing sky filled with reds, whites and blues.

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By: Christian Anderson

Here we go…July 4th, 2010 …BBQ’s, beach parties, and all types of events that might mention the whole birthday for America thing, but most likely celebrate the brat and beer. All good, though, because it gets people together; people ready to relax, celebrate, and mingle.

If you haven’t yet made plans, but know of some events–get out there and do it! As my mentor says: “Christian! Half of life is just showing up!” You might be in the mood to stay in with your girlfriends at the house and have a glass of wine, but you have every other day of the year to do that. With the 4th on a Sunday, you have the perfect opportunity to get not one, not two, but THREE days of events and meet-ups.

So get online, look at those email invites and check out the different events that are happening in your neck of the woods this weekend. I am not saying you are going to meet Mr. Right, since I don’t condone that mindset (too much pressure, too much focus on one goal, and not enough focus on learning more about your own growth), but I do think the magic happens, whether it is through new friendships, associations, or potential dates, when you get out there and miiiiiiiiingle.

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