Hello Dignity Daters! This blog by Julie Ferman, the founder and CEO of the largest and most trusted Los Angeles Matchmaking Service, Cupid’s Coach, kicks off a series of guest blogs from our team of experts, fellow coaches, and matchmakers. These blogs will serve as our content while Marni is on holiday in Europe, creating and living the life she loves. We have an amazing line up prepared for these next few weeks, so kick back and bask in the glory of all this shared knowledge!
Guest Blog: Why Am I Still Single? Consider This…
Mandy came to me this month, thoroughly disgusted with dating, signing on with Cupid’s Coach for a six-month personal matchmaking search. I could tell instantly that we’ve got some work to do with her… Let’s see we can isolate the crux of her issues and let’s identify our remedies for her situation.
In her initial email to me, Mandy shared that she’s “reaching the point of dating burn-out” and she’s praying that I’ll be able to introduce her to the perfect man so that her dating days will be over forever.
Who is Mandy? She’s a successful corporate attorney in Santa Monica, 38, gorgeous, fit, sophisticated, stylish, and really quite impressive in all of the superficial ways we tend to judge others in today’s quick-critique culture. She’s got a terrific family, great girlfriends, and an all-around wonderful life, but her dating history has been admittedly…lousy. So what gives?
Here’s an indicator. She wrote to me, “Julie, if I have to endure one more tortured dinner with another player or loser guy, I’m going to jump off a cliff. I need you to find the man I’m looking for.”
So basically, Mandy’s demanding that I snap my fingers and serve up for her the ideal man, on a silver platter with a bow around his neck. And in his pocket? The perfect Tiffany’s engagement ring.
So now here’s my dilemma. I have three absolutely phenomenal potential referrals for Mandy, and yet I’m worried that she’ll blow it with one, two, or all three. Unless she can shift her vibe, and quickly, I would predict that she’d not get past Date Number One with any man at this point, especially with the “type” she’s really seeking.
I mean, really… Her IT Guy, he’s handsome, fit, confident, successful, ready for and jazzed about partnering up with a lifetime of love, adventure, and marital bliss…who’s HE looking to be with? The girl whose vibe is critical, judgmental, and whose tone shouts, “What can he do for me?” I don’t think so.
I just studied the profile of a man I know she’d love to meet, Brian. He is everything on her list. But here’s who he says is Wife Material for him: “She wakes up happy most days, she has a warm, pleasant, positive demeanor, and she tends to see the good in people and situations, finding opportunities where others see obstacles. She’s generous, more of a giver than a taker, she’s beautiful but not entitled, accomplished but not snobby. She’s as sweet to the busboy as she is to the CEO. Most importantly, she is eager to frame her life around our relationship and the family that I hope we’ll have together.”
Wow. Can you see why Mandy is just not ready to meet Brian?
The more magnificent the man, the more dating options he has, and the less inclined he’ll be to pursue a woman who emits a hostile, difficult, or angry attitude, I don’t care how fabulous she might look or think she is…
And so the first thing we want to do with Mandy is to cause a shift her thinking and her vibe, so that she won’t be in effect shooing her prospects away with a negative, critical, judgmental what’s-in-it-for-me attitude.
The process of writing this blog to you all has helped me develop my plan for Mandy. I’m going to suggest that we put her search on hold for a month, so we can spend the next thirty days working with her psyche, actually avoiding first dates completely. Instead, we’ll schedule her for coaching sessions so we can go within to blow out those nasty cobwebs of negative thinking, revealing beneath the hopeful, sweet, loving spirit that has been locked up for far too long. We’ll plant some fresh new seeds within her. Serenity, possibility, hope, inner happiness, and a giving, loving vibe – when I can see THIS coming from her…then I’ll know she’s ready to meet Brian.
Submitted with love,
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