Summer is a great season for romance in Southern California. People are more social, putting more effort into looking sexy, feeling more enthusiastic, being more open and adventurous, all of which are a perfect formula for singles to mingle and cook up a number of dates! As you’re busy getting your flirt on this summer, I want to share a few insights I have gathered from interviewing clients who navigate from attraction to exclusivity. It turns out, the saying, “Selling the sizzle, not the steak,” applies to modern dating rituals as well.
1. In dating, like a job interview, looks and style may get you the date, but your passions and personality create the SIZZLE that gets you the second date.
After getting the date, many singles reduce conversations about themselves to a list of adjectives, such as “ambitious”, “caring” or “adventurous” or roles, such as “Advertising Manager”, “Writer” , or “Director”, thinking that this is the way to tell their date about WHO they are. It’s boring and lacks sizzle and many of you have gone on enough of these dates to know what I am describing. We are all emotional beings, who respond to passions and values. It’s time to dig deeper and get a little intimate. Maybe you are “ambitious” today because you admire your mom’s success or you are “adventurous” because something in your life made you feel vulnerable and now you value living life to the fullest. Tell a story or describe why you are these words. Paint a picture for them. This way, it’ll make it interesting for someone to get to know you better!
2. Focusing the spotlight on your date will make you look more attractive.
On a first date, when your intentions are to get to know someone for the sake of knowing someone, do it genuinely. In other words, when you give someone the spotlight without strings attached, it allows the other person to feel more comfortable. When your date does not worry about YOU and is able to simply enjoy the fact you care about him or her, you are a great dater. You’ve allowed them to feel this enjoyment and they like you for it.
3. The sizzle is in the conversation, not in the 5-star reservation.
For example, some clients think it takes a 5-star restaurant or exciting activity to sweep a woman off her feet, but it’s as simple as the questions you ask! People tell me that first dates can feel like interviews and it’s a drag, so it’s better to be doing something instead of having a drink or dinner. I think the source of boredom oftentimes is the types of questions you ask that don’t lead to interesting answers. There’s a difference between asking, “Where are you from?” vs. “What was your favorite thing about growing up there?” or “Do you think it made an impact on who you are today?” Yes, I understand, sometimes your date is just not as interesting. I get it, but for the most part, a good dater will be able to make conversation with anyone and put their date at ease. Try these questions on the next gal you ask out!
4. Go for Sizzle, Not Fizzle
When a first date is going well and things seem to “sizzle”, guys have a tendency to ask a gal out to another activity such as after dinner drink, walk on the beach, etc. The feedback I get is that the date then fizzles out and whatever chemistry that was cultivated is gone and the second part of the date is awkward. My advice is to part ways on a high note. The “longing” feeling you feel is great, build upon it next time you see each other. Rule of thumb: keep first dates under 2 hours, limit it to one activity, and leave them wanting more. Call her within 48 hours to ask her out again and do an activity on date #2.
By: Katie Chen
Don’t have a date lined up? Maybe I can help. If you are a great catch, employed, have a great personality, active, fit, and a match for someone I’m working with, I’d love to set you up (complimentary match). Just fill out this confidential profile to apply and let’s meet for coffee: http://www.catchmatchmaking.com/online-profile/