Guest Blog: Bathroom Psychologist Here…

By: Maya Burkenroad

Girls in bathrooms listening to their friends’ advice is pretty much the bane of our society’s existence.

This is where 97% of text messages you wish you wouldn’t have sent, and 88% calls you wish you wouldn’t have made, happen. While in the bathroom the other night at a local watering hole with several clearly intoxicated girls – one especially drunk one is excited about a guy she is crushing on. Her friends obviously wanting to sabotage her ( only obvious to me, definitely not to her), encourage her to send the following text (which she thinks is genius as- is) “I’m in your hood, what are you up to?”

Sigh. Bathroom Psychologist here. You surrree you want to send that? It is evident to me that this is a guy the girl likes. He has not asked her out on a date yet, or she would not feel it necessary to enlighten him with her geographic location. Conveniently near his home . . . Which seems borderline stalker ish if you ask me.

Which she didn’t.

I suddenly see a future for myself; sitting in the bathrooms of bars and clubs in the los angeles area – inviting girls onto the couch, or closest toilet bowl. Glasses on, pencil perched to paper, “so how does that make you feel?”

I can singlehandledly stop girls from ruining their potential future relationships! Only problem, can I stop myself?