Dating With Dignity

Guest Post By Mr. Quality Casual: Unlock Your Unique Genius To Attract An Awesome Relationship (& Life!)

In case you haven’t heard of Marni’s “Quality Casual” type of MAnimal, it’s her definition of a high-quality guy who means well, but when push comes to shove, won’t commit. Well ta-dah! I am the original “Mr. Quality Casual” that Marni likes to use in her examples, and I’m writing here to share a critical life lesson and a video that could change your life.

I’m a great guy who, for three years, wasn’t ready to & didn’t want to commit. And yet about a year ago, I MaNVolved into a long-term, committed relationship.

What changed for me was unlocking my Unique Genius: discovering my purpose & living it every day, in my highest way. Through this I found more balance, enjoyment, clarity, confidence and an ability to attract an amazing community of people to myself…including my partner Finding long-term purpose in my life led to being ready to find a long-term relationship.

Have you heard the term “like attracts like”?

If you want a confident & positive partner, you are more likely to attract one (and keep them long-term), if you’re confident & positive as well. If you want an all-around amazing partner, doesn’t it make sense that you’re more likely to attract and stay with a life partner the more amazing you are as a person?

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By: Maya Burkenroad

Girls in bathrooms listening to their friends’ advice is pretty much the bane of our society’s existence.

This is where 97% of text messages you wish you wouldn’t have sent, and 88% calls you wish you wouldn’t have made, happen. While in the bathroom the other night at a local watering hole with several clearly intoxicated girls – one especially drunk one is excited about a guy she is crushing on. Her friends obviously wanting to sabotage her ( only obvious to me, definitely not to her), encourage her to send the following text (which she thinks is genius as- is) “I’m in your hood, what are you up to?”

Sigh. Bathroom Psychologist here. You surrree you want to send that? It is evident to me that this is a guy the girl likes. He has not asked her out on a date yet, or she would not feel it necessary to enlighten him with her geographic location. Conveniently near his home . . . Which seems borderline stalker ish if you ask me.

Which she didn’t.

I suddenly see a future for myself; sitting in the bathrooms of bars and clubs in the los angeles area – inviting girls onto the couch, or closest toilet bowl. Glasses on, pencil perched to paper, “so how does that make you feel?”

I can singlehandledly stop girls from ruining their potential future relationships! Only problem, can I stop myself?

Today’s guest blog comes to us from Karen Kleinwort of Therapy in Transition, a Portland-based company offering a unique integration of mind, body and spirit to empower and enrich clients’ lives by supporting them to embrace change positively and permanently.

Fulfilling and loving relationships expand the beauty of life, but finding these can prove harrowing. Everyone experiences her share of heartbreak over the course of a lifetime, but finding that kind of fulfillment and love can make such heartbreak worth it when you come out the other side.

Many people believe fate holds the responsibility of their finding love, but the truth is we bear the responsibility for the people whom we attract into our lives via our thoughts and actions. If you’re familiar with the concept of Karma and the Law of Attraction, you know they apply to personal relationships as well. The best part? Even if you don’t find the current state of your present relationship satisfactory—or you’re still recovering from heartbreak—you can start with a clean state to attract love into your life.

Remember, dwelling on betrayal and emotional pain from the past doesn’t affect the person who hurt you; rather, it only hurts you and holds you back. Similarly, comparing new potential partners with those who haunt you only prevents you from properly exploring the possibility of new relationships.

When you find yourself dissatisfied with the state of a relationship, commit to examining why this is so. Do you turn the Golden Rule on its head and treat yourself as you want others to treat you? Do you focus too much on pleasing others? Are you happy with who you are and where you’re going? Asking yourself these questions will allow you to determine what elements of your life stop you from enjoying fulfilling relationships.

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Did you know that the way you walk says lots about your ability to achieve orgasm?
Some sophisticated men may know this and use this information to judge your capacity to perform in bed.

This is unfair but true. The reality of first impressions is…we all make judgments based on little or no information about someone. Our unconscious mind is picking up on subtle cues and giving you feedback.

Studies have shown that men are attracted to 5 specific things when it comes to being with a woman.

1- Looks: This doesn’t mean you have to look like a model but it does mean you need to be aware of how you dress and put yourself together in a way that enhances your assets.
2- Sexual Openness: This doesn’t mean you need to be a porn star. It means you need to exude feminine essence and sensuality.
3- Fun and Adventure: Real life is boring and men want to know that you can be playful and spontaneous.
4- Nurturance: Men need to know that you care. They can feel your heart.
5- Youthfulness: A woman that is passionate about life and allows herself to be silly and at times mischievous.

Of all 5 personality traits, the 3 most important are sexy, playful and caring. If one of these 3 is missing then you’re NOT magnetic. You don’t want to only be his sex toy, you don’t want to only be his friend, and you don’t want to only be his mom…get it ladies? You need a combination of all 3 ingredients to be seen as attractive.

I know what it means to be a sexual toy. After my divorce I was an angry woman that was using her sexuality to seduce men and then toss them aside…to give them a taste of their own medicine…or so I thought. I was using my sensuality without my heart…and so I didn’t care about the men I met. This formula was completely wrong and depleted my energy. However, now that I am using sensuality with the right intention….the feeling is PRICELESS!!

So let’s look at the first aspect men are looking for…Sexual Openness. You see, men want to feel like you are a woman of pleasure. You can indulge in the senses in a manner that gets him out of his head and into his body.

This is how men can tell if you are a bad lover.

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Summer is a great season for romance in Southern California. People are more social, putting more effort into looking sexy, feeling more enthusiastic, being more open and adventurous, all of which are a perfect formula for singles to mingle and cook up a number of dates! As you’re busy getting your flirt on this summer, I want to share a few insights I have gathered from interviewing clients who navigate from attraction to exclusivity. It turns out, the saying, “Selling the sizzle, not the steak,” applies to modern dating rituals as well.

1. In dating, like a job interview, looks and style may get you the date, but your passions and personality create the SIZZLE that gets you the second date.

After getting the date, many singles reduce conversations about themselves to a list of adjectives, such as “ambitious”, “caring” or “adventurous” or roles, such as “Advertising Manager”, “Writer” , or “Director”, thinking that this is the way to tell their date about WHO they are. It’s boring and lacks sizzle and many of you have gone on enough of these dates to know what I am describing. We are all emotional beings, who respond to passions and values. It’s time to dig deeper and get a little intimate. Maybe you are “ambitious” today because you admire your mom’s success or you are “adventurous” because something in your life made you feel vulnerable and now you value living life to the fullest. Tell a story or describe why you are these words. Paint a picture for them. This way, it’ll make it interesting for someone to get to know you better!

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Hello Dignity Daters! This blog by Julie Ferman, the founder and CEO of the largest and most trusted Los Angeles Matchmaking Service, Cupid’s Coach, kicks off a series of guest blogs from our team of experts, fellow coaches, and matchmakers. These blogs will serve as our content while Marni is on holiday in Europe, creating and living the life she loves. We have an amazing line up prepared for these next few weeks, so kick back and bask in the glory of all this shared knowledge!

Guest Blog: Why Am I Still Single? Consider This…

By: Julie Ferman

Mandy came to me this month, thoroughly disgusted with dating, signing on with Cupid’s Coach for a six-month personal matchmaking search. I could tell instantly that we’ve got some work to do with her… Let’s see we can isolate the crux of her issues and let’s identify our remedies for her situation.

In her initial email to me, Mandy shared that she’s “reaching the point of dating burn-out” and she’s praying that I’ll be able to introduce her to the perfect man so that her dating days will be over forever.

Who is Mandy? She’s a successful corporate attorney in Santa Monica, 38, gorgeous, fit, sophisticated, stylish, and really quite impressive in all of the superficial ways we tend to judge others in today’s quick-critique culture. She’s got a terrific family, great girlfriends, and an all-around wonderful life, but her dating history has been admittedly…lousy. So what gives?

Here’s an indicator. She wrote to me, “Julie, if I have to endure one more tortured dinner with another player or loser guy, I’m going to jump off a cliff. I need you to find the man I’m looking for.”

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