Dating With Dignity

Often women meet men to whom they are attracted, yet seem to “freeze” when the man shows he is interested.  It’s not that she doesn’t know how to flirt, she has done her “flirt” thing effectively, but when, in fact, Mr. Available moves forward and reciprocates, she feels awkward, uncomfortable and confused.

There are a variety of possible feelings to consider that maybe be at the cause of the “freeze” including:

1.  The Limiting Belief that he wants her “only for sex,” which causes her to pull-away and activates any residual baggage regarding men, her worth or her inability to say, “no.”

2.  The fear that she will now have to keep him interested, and she is unsure or lacks confidence on her ability to be successful.

3.  She is filled with self doubt, and is thus too scared to explore the possibility of dating, having to set appropriate boundaries, or get engaged in something that at some point could include rejection, hurt, or failure.

Read the rest of this entry →

One of the most alluring MANimals in the MANimal Kingdom is Mr. Elusive.  He is charming, open, sensitive and seems to know exactly what to say to make your heart melt.  In fact, a Mr. Elusive may even initially give you more affection, attention, and declarations regarding your special connection more than any other man you have ever dated.  However, he is most likely unable to sustain the pace and may “vanish” or distant.  You are not imagining that he goes hot, then cold.  It’s true.  Here’s why…

The “D-Factor” (Date-Ability Factor) Assessment identifies the unconscious thoughts, feelings, and beliefs that are “leaking” into your dating experiences. In some cases, these unconscious thoughts and feelings are so powerful you may have stopped dating, can’t get beyond date one, two or three, or keep attracting the same type of MANimal into your life — MANimals who are not relationship-ready!

While uncovering these unconscious beliefs is the critical first step in making change, it is also important to note why you continually attract certain types of MANimals into your life, and what need these MANimals fulfill for YOU, even if consciously, you would never choose to date them.

As I mentioned to the two clients with whom I did D-Factor Assessment Coaching Debriefs last week, the truth is this: this stuff is unconscious. It’s almost like an invisible mask you wear that features a flashing neon sign advertising exactly what you think, believe and feel about yourself, the world around you, men, and dating.

The good news is that The MANimals are also wearing masks! And, just like your mask is flashing thoughts, beliefs, and feelings, their masks are flashing too.

Let’s put on our imaginary special 3-D MANimal glasses for a few minutes now, and SEE exactly what Mr. Elusive is thinking? What does he truly believe? What are his fears? His hangups? And how his actions are merely reflections of his deep, unconscious thoughts?

The Typical Mr. Elusive “D-Factor”

The Mr. Elusive will most likely have a D-Factor which reveals that his primary default tendencies, which are a conglomeration of the “Thoughts, Feelings and Beliefs” he has when he is under stress, in conflict, or even when he is merely hungry, angry, lonely or tired may look like this:

1. Mr. Elusive lives in a cycle in which he is consistently varies between anger and victimhood. While he may not direct his anger at you, he is filled with self-doubt, guilt and blame.  If you are a woman who is highly motivated by “winning,” or trying to capture a Mr. Elusive, you will be magnetized him as your “need to win” is on the same vibrational frequency as his self-directed anger and guilt.  Often, Mr. Elusive becomes burned out by relationship or dating, which is why he will disappear.  Frustrated by his inability to maintain the pacing he initiated, he will ultimately blame you, feel guilt, and disappear.  Mr. Elusive typically has poor conflict resolution skills, which is why he will simply vanish instead of create an opportunity to explore his feelings, the relationship, or how to get his needs met.

Read the rest of this entry →

I celebrated my birthday yesterday.  I turned 44.  And while it was “my day,” it was also one day in a string of many that have included a flurry of graduation celebrations (two of my kids graduated and are attending new schools in the fall), the birthday of my “baby” who turned eight, organizing a trip for seven to Europe, and launching a new part of my business. All glorious things which are the fruits of the creating the life I love — fruits which bring love, as well as stress and responsibilities.

Last night, when I came home in between dropping my teenager at her graaduation party, changing clothes, grabbing the “presents” and heading back to the Pacific Palisades for dinner with my dad, his wife, my step-sister, boyfriend and kids, I walked into the kitchen to find an array of incredible flower arrangements and a package of chocolate covered strawberries — all sent to me by incredible friends, clients and coworkers.  ”Holy Wow,” I thought, almost in tears.

How many years had I only “wished” someone, just even one person, would send me flowers, unappreciative of what I had received or too numb to even notice.

How many years had I built up expectations of what a birthday celebration “should” look like, imagining how my kids were supposed to act?  Frustrated by my former husband and lovers, thinking the plans they made should be better, or different.  Often times I settled, often times I was living in a fantasy, and other times I was simply so disconnected I spent most of the day lost in my thoughts, trapped in my head.

Read the rest of this entry →

In our brand new video series, Be Better Basics: Two Minutes to a Better You, I will be sharing Dating With Dignity’s best tips, scripts and strategies you can use immediately to begin taking back control of your life, so you can truly feel in the driver’s seat of the change you are trying to implement.  Most important, we want to help you become a better you — because in order to attract the person you want, you have to be the person you want.

In this series we will be talking about anything and everything that you might want to improve upon.  From dating and relationships to learning how to better manage your business to stress busters and relaxation techniques–nothing is off limits in Be Better Basics!

With the launch of this new weekly series we hope to empower you to feel more in control of your life by providing quick and effective ways you can improve your life.  Each video will only be two minutes because we know you’re busy!  It’s easy to believe you don’t have time to improve upon your already hectic life, but our two minute videos make it easy for you to become the best possible you!\

Have a specific topic you’d like us to discuss?  Email Marni at Marni@datingwithdignity.com

Here’s the first look at the details of our 2 1/2-day Relationship Readiness Rejuvenation Retreat in Malibu from July 9-11!

Don’t miss our FREE information preview call. We are holding TWO chances to get on the call, so you can decide which date and time fits best with your schedule: Thursday, June 9th at 8PM or Friday, June 10th at 1PM.  Click here to register!

For many women, beginning to question the life you have created in which you have worked diligently to achieve financial independence and achieve professional success can be terrifying.  And, just like leaving a long-term relationship to begin again, beginning to want something new involves re-creating a new reality from the ground up.

Often a terrifying place to be, this is a stage of change we call the “Toss In.”  The “Toss In” is a phase in which you ultimately throw in your cards and question what it is you want from life, who you want to play with, your beliefs, values, hopes, dreams and desires.  Moving past the “Toss In” phase you will go through the “Shuffle,”  and “The Deal,” ultimately landing in a new life in which you “Play the Game” in a different way then you have ever experienced life.   For many women, then, leaving the safety of the “Toss In” phase in which you feel empowered, safe and in control seem much to difficult to give up.  This, perhaps, is because of a very deep seeded limiting belief; the belief that in order to be in partnership we must “give up” some part of ourselves.

In some ways, entering into the safety of independence (or staying there) feels refreshing and comfortable, until one day, it seems our longing for partnership and love becomes haunting.  We mistakenly feel as if we must choose between having a “him” or having a “me” and that in order to have a partner we must somehow give up the life we have created.  And, because many of us have worked so very hard to get this life — often feeling as if we had to “fight” for everything we have earned — it seems like an impossible trap.

Read the rest of this entry →