Dating With Dignity

As many of you know, DWD has been in Portland for the past week on a speaking tour. While we were there we were given the opportunity to host one of our incredible MANimal events. It was an amazing night and we were able to meet and connect with some really wonderful women. We had a great man panel, and everyone in attendance was truly present and eager to learn and share. One of the more memorable moments of the evening actually occurred when the conversation took an unexpectedly controversial turn at the presence of this particular question from our audience:

Should the woman offer to pay on a date?

This is a question that always works its way into our MANimal events. Women want to know what is expected of them, financially speaking, on the first few dates. In LA, the answer is always an emphatic “NO.” The men don’t want you to pay, they don’t want you to offer to pay, and they don’t want you to pretend that you want to pay. They aren’t into the fake purse grab, and they all are in agreement that they are turned off if a woman insists on paying.

Given the vigor and finality with which our LA men always answer this question, we were fairly confident that our Portland manelists would answer similarly.

So, you can imagine our surprise when our Portland men offered up a unanimous “YES” in response to the question. Apparently, while the men in Portland don’t necessarily want you to pay, they absolutely want you to offer. One gentleman admitted he actually finds it mildly insulting when a woman expects him to pay.

We can see how this geographical discrepancy could lead to some confusion for the die-hard Dating With Dignity gal.

Luckily, DWD has an especially brave woman who decided to give the fake purse grab a whirl in real life, and let us know how it worked out. This woman, we’ll call her Macy, went on a date with Portland Paul, a guy she’d been out with a couple of times. They were still very casual, and taking their time getting to know one another. At the end of the date, she offered to pay, and he let her. She was kind of surprised, less than enthused, and probably won’t be seeing him again. And, while this wasn’t the only factor contributing to the premature ending of this particular romance, it didn’t help matters much.

The moral of the story? Portland Paul probably enjoyed that Macy offered to pay. Portland Paul probably even enjoyed that Macy ended up paying. But Portland Paul will not be enjoying Macy’s company any longer, which, we can be fairly certain, was not his intention.

So, while there appears to be an inconsistency in how men feel about the dinner date payment plans, a few things remain true whether you’re in Portland, LA, or anywhere else where people go out to dinner:

1. If you are going to offer to pay, you have to really want it. No matter what Portland Paul says, do not do the fake purse grab. It’s insulting to everyone involved.

2. If you really want to pay in the beginning of a new relationship, and he really lets you, be prepared for how you might feel about it.

3. And finally, to keep things clean, don’t offer to pay on the first few dates, even if you really mean it. Let him be the man, and practice receiving. It’ll make you both feel good, we promise.

By: Angelica Martin