Dating With Dignity

Remember that movie “Click,” where Adam Sandler just clicks a remote to get to the future or go back in time to do something over, differently?

I often think that is what we wish could happen –

That we could just click a remote and end up in the life we want to have after we did the difficult “work” and made the tough choices.

When the inner voice is telling us to make a change, do something differently, let go of a relationship that isn’t working, or stop hiding behind the comfort and safety of the familiar, we must look at why we are consistently taking the path of least resistance.  We become so used to doing things one way, that we forget there are other options.

Here are a few questions to gauge if you are ready to begin shifting your behaviors and patterns to get better, different results:

1. What are the habits and patterns that appear most frequently in your life? For example, do you procrastinate?  Are you always worrying what people will think?  Do you stay small, and not make your needs known? Or, do you speak out without thinking first?  Make a list of the habits and patterns that appear most frequently when it comes to dating and relationships now to begin creating awareness of what is stopping you from living the life you dream of having.

2. How well are these habits and patterns working for you? Be honest!  In some ways, staying hidden, small or scared creates a sense of safety and familiarity.  When we are living in our patterns it is familiar, and even though it is not what we “want,” it feels safe because we feel in control.  Be honest in your assessment, and list how these patterns work for you, and how they work against you.

3. If you could create new habits and patterns that work for you, what would you want them to be? How would you like to be?  Write down the “ideal image” of you, describing in detail your thoughts, feelings, beliefs and actions when you are living a life free from the old patterns and behaviors.

4.  What would be different if you shifted your current patterns and habits? In this critical step, imagine your life if you were no longer held back by these behaviors.  Create a mini “vision statement,” detailing how your life looks, feels, smells living from this new place of being.  How are your relationships?  What does your career look like?  How are your connections with friends and family?

Now, how committed are you to breaking free from those patterns?

I had a call from a potential client the other day who told me what she “wants,” and then said she is too busy to enroll in a class, read a book or spend time studying how to shift and create the change.  To this response I asked her, (in my loving, kick-in-the-butt sort of way!) “How do you expect to get a different result without changing your behavior, thoughts, beliefs or feelings?”

“Hmmm,” she responded.  ”I do want it.  I do.”

To this I gently replied, “So then, where do you want to start?”

Ask yourself these questions, do the work suggested in this article, and begin to see how with attention, focus, and action your life will change dramatically.  If you choose to have support in breaking free from those habits and patterns that aren’t working for you, enroll here for the next “Breaking Free from Your Romantic Rut,” beginning  May 20, 2o10.