Dating With Dignity

As part of the research I am doing in preparation for “Identifying the Men In The MANimal Species” workshop on May 6th in Los Angeles, I have been playing detective, and truly getting into the mix of the WHO behind each of the MANimal species. As part of my work I am consistently assessing the “D-Factor” (Date-Ability Factor) of my clients to identify the unconscious thoughts, feelings, and beliefs that are “leaking” into their dating experiences.  In some cases, these unconscious thoughts and feelings are so powerful they have stopped dating, can’t get beyond date one, two or three, or keep attracting the same type of MANimal into their lives — MANimals who are not relationship-ready!

While uncovering these unconscious beliefs is the critical first step in making change, it is also important to note why you continually attract certain types of MANimals into your life, and what need these MANimals fulfill for YOU, even if consciously, you would never choose to date them.

The truth is this:  this stuff is unconscious.  It’s almost like an invisible mask you wear that features a flashing neon sign advertising exactly what you think, believe and feel about yourself, the world around you, men, and dating.

Guess what?  The good news is that The MANimals are also wearing masks!  And, just like your mask is flashing thoughts, beliefs, and feelings, their masks are flashing too.  Wouldn’t it be fabulous if you had special 3-D MANimal glasses that enabled you to SEE exactly what each MANimal is thinking?  What he truly believes?  His fears?  His hangups?  And why his actions are merely reflections of these deep, unconscious thoughts?

Now, for the first time, I am revealing the “Thoughts, Feelings and Beliefs” (TFB) of each MANimal.  Today, we will begin with a close look at “The Hunter.”

The  Typical Hunter “D-Factor”

The Hunter will most likely  have a D-Factor which reveals that his primary default  tendencies, which are a conglomeration of the “Thoughts, Feelings and Beliefs” he has when he is under stress, in conflict, or even when he is merely hungry, angry, lonely or tired make look like this:

1.  The Hunter lives in a cycle in which he endlessly copes, rationalizes, blames and forgives.

The Hunter is a man who takes responsibility for this thoughts, and will intellectualize, rationalize, and manage most of his behaviors.  While he might blame you for your actions (claiming you are “needy,” “insecure,” or “too demanding,” for example) he will rationalize your behavior in an effort to forgive you.  He might blame himself, however, having issued “The Disclaimer” he uses this disclamer to rationalize his thoughts and experiences as a coping mechanism.   He most likely has some residual anger based on his past conflicts with other women in his life, as well as some feelings of unfulfillment and disappointment about the results he is currently experiencing in his life.  It’s as if things didn’t quite turn out as planned.  In relationships, the Hunter always engages in a certain dance with his partner, and though each person understands his/her role in the relationship, he may always view her as being someone who needs to be “fixed.”

2.  Core thoughts of the Hunter can include…

“Life is what you make it.”

“I have a good plan, but I will  only do it if I’m sure it will work.”

“What I can’t see can’t hurt me.”

“I am in control of my life and know how to “play the game; I’m sure I can convince her to see it my way.”

“My view of life and those in it are completely up to me”

“People are generally good, they just don’t know better.”

“The past is not important, let’s live for today (said but not believed)”

“I can do better.”

“It’s better to lie than to face a conflict.”

3.  In addition to his ability to rationalize and cope, the Hunter is pull towards conflict.  As a result, he will attract women who thrive on drama (external conflict) and self-doubt (internal conflict).

The Hunter will vary between blame and forgiveness, which is why he will continue to offer crumbs of attention, affection or love as tokens of his regret.  He may hold a grudge, however, which may leave the women he dates feeling like “nothing is good enough” to return him to the loving place from which the relationship may have started.  In addition, the Hunter will always engage in battle to prove he is right.

What is Your D-Factor? Are You At Risk of Attracting a Hunter?

Women who have D-Factors results which reveal predominate tendencies towards conflict, either internal conflict such as self-doubt, guilt, jealousy, resentment or external conflict that results in drama, argumentative behavior and ultimatum-based relationships, will magnetize Hunters into their lives with ease.  As this magnetic energetic pull is mostly unconscious, women with high levels of conflict energy may not know he is a Hunter because he appears to “have it together” as a result of his ability to cope and function successfully in some areas of his life.

How to Repel the Hunter

1.  Do not engage in drama, conflict and game playing.

2.  Take advantage of the fact that he is an excellent candidate for coping, managing and rationalizing by engaging in win-win communication with him.  State your needs, and take responsibility for yourself.  If he blames, refuse to dive into self doubt.  State your needs and determine if he is capable of playing in your sandbox.  Don’t be afraid to tell him you are NOT in a place where you have a “live for today,” attitude.

3.  Don’t issue ultimatums.  Give him space.  Since he loves to win, this type of behavior will engage him in battle.  Simple refuse to fight.

4.  Don’t accept the view that you need to be “fixed,” or that you are “broken” in any way.  See yourself as healthy, whole, confident, and love-able and Hunters will run the other way!  Meeting your needs will be too much work for them, guaranteed!

If you are interested to know your “D-Factor” to see which MANimal you are most likely to attract, understand the science behind it, and hear how knowing her “D-Factor” impacted one of my clients, be sure to visit our new D-Factor information page to find out more!

And, if you want to be among the very first to know the D-Factors of all the MANimals and whom they most easily attract, don’t miss the phenomenal workshop we are holding in Los Angeles on May 6th.  Not only will I be revealing the D-Factor of each MANimal species,you will also meet a panel of 7 MANimals who will be answering all your deepest, most critical questions regarding the MANimal mind!  Register here now to attend.

The D-Factor of Crybaby is next!  Questions?  Feel free to email me at marni@datingwithdignity.com