Dating With Dignity

The Evolved Manimal

When it comes to finding long-lasting love, the men you want to typically date can be classified as Boyfriend Material. These men are also dating with dignity, and have an expressed interest in finding a partner who is confident, independent, and has the skills necessary to communicate in MANglish.

The ability to understand and then respect MANglish is paramount to finding a relationship with Mr. Boyfriend Material. Why? The answer is, quite frankly, because Mr. Boyfriend Material won’t put up with your crap. He won’t let you “sulk,” he won’t be manipulated by your tears (not 100 percent, that is), expects you to communicate your needs, have boundaries, express your expectations directly, and allow him to engage in activities that fulfill the essence of who he is. In addition, he knows that you won’t take everything he says as a personal rejection, acceptance, or declaration of his love for you.

There are few key signs to look for to know if you are dating Mr. Boyfriend Material:

~He is truly in a place where he feels confident and secure in his ability to provide. Men are and typically most confident, secure and ready to be in an exclusive long-term relationship when they feel “settled.” They have spent time building their career and have the time available to invest in a relationship. In addition, they also feel financially capable of dating a woman in a way in which they are most comfortable. Remember, men who are not in this place in life are STILL dating, they are just not likely to be good candidates for a long-term partnership. If you are dating someone who is still climbing the ladder to emotional maturity and financial security, rest assured you will most likely need to be patient as he moves through these phases of manhood.

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I just finished Compassion Bootcamp. Every day began at 8 am, finishing at 10 pm. To say I am exhausted would be too simple, as I have explored the depths of what it means to be the authentic me; a version of me stripped away of the need to be successful, be the perfect mother, best girlfriend, a person who has lived life unconscious of the fact that I have been holding the responsibility of all this in my two hands alone.

I was dumb-founded Saturday afternoon, as I wondered what it would be if I stop trying to figure it all out? If I accept that enough is enough? That my business, where it is now, is exactly enough for now. How would I live my life if I were to stop searching for cracks in my life and the people in it? How would I live if I were to stop judging things as “good or bad,” to stop seeing the world as black and white? Could I, in fact, live with the possibility that I am, in fact, good enough as I am? Could I accept myself completely?

On Saturday evening I went for a compassion walk — yes, that is what is what called — in the redwoods to engage in a ritual of self love and self forgiveness. I walked through the green moss and mud, stating all the things for which I was going to forgive myself. I then walked towards the creek bed, engaging in a meditation in which I uttered the following mantra, “May all living things find release from suffering.” As I walked, I began to notice the small insects scooting on the forest floor; I heard the croaking frogs and hoped they would all find release from suffering. I thought of all the people I meet when I am out in the world who are bound up in their fear, suffering, and hate themselves and the life they lead. I thought of the people in cars who drive too fast, of the rude checkout girl at the mall, and the angry men and women who appear on reality TV shows to entertain the masses. In my meditation I wished them all the freedom from their suffering. All of them.

Then, on Sunday, the shit hit the wall.

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