Dating With Dignity

He's inside!

I recently read an article in which a 41-year old woman, Georgina Merriman, has, at long last, found love and married.  This in and of itself can seem like an impressive feat, given the hopelessness many feel regarding their love lives, but what really excited me was the irony in how her union with this dream man came to be.  You see, for 19 years Georgina has taken the train to and from work each day, and to pass the time she looked for her love online.  Not the type to leave it up to fate, Georgina knew she had to take the reins and control her own destiny if she wanted to find love.  And, while Georgina spent her evenings on the train perusing online dating sites, her future husband sat patiently in the row behind her for almost ONE year.

Finally, Georgina ripped her eyes away from whatever dating site she had been perusing, and her gaze met Mark’s.  The next day he offered her a seat next to him.  A few days after that, they began a full-blown transit-born love affair.

Georgina’s story is not a new one.  This type of love story abounds in novels, movies, or your parent’s relationship, perhaps.  It’s always the same: unsuspecting woman falls in love with least likely candidate–the man sitting patiently–right in front of her face.

The message here is not a hard one.  It’s not that dating sites are bad, or even that you should begin taking the train to work.  Georgina’s story reminds us that, as helpful as dating sites can be in finding a mate, there is simply no replacement for engaging in your life–showing up–in a way you never before considered.

Here are some ways you can do just that, beginning today:

1.  You’re dying for your signature White Chocolate Iced Mocha.  Instead of taking it to go, sit down at the coffee shop and enjoy it–sans Ipod.  While you’re there, take a look around.  Anyone look interesting?

2.  Take a cue from Georgina, and if you find yourself waiting in line at the grocery store or for your appointment, resist the urge to whip out your cell phone or laptop to pass the time.  Seize that opportunity to make eye contact at smile at someone–anyone!  You never know where it may lead.

3.  While most of us live an urban life spending time in transit, get out of your car!  If you’re headed somewhere within walking distance, make a go for it on foot.  Avoid the drive-through like the plague.  If you’re hungry, go to a restaurant and sit down and eat–even if you are alone!  While you’re there, interact with others–even if it’s just the waitress.

Probably the most important token of advice we can offer at Dating With Dignity is this: Keep an open mind.  The reason Georgina’s husband was able to go unnoticed by her for nearly a year, and why men we meet escape our consciousness all the time, is because what we’re looking for doesn’t always look the way we expect it to.  We aren’t expecting to meet someone on a train, standing in line somewhere, or in your own backyard, so you don’t really see the people you DO meet while you are there.

The above tips are so simple, and they only require that you be present–something we teach here day in and day out.  So this week, take Marni’s advice!  Look up, look around; be present-be alive!  You just may find what you’ve been missing.