Dating With Dignity

It’s Monday dignity daters, and that means it’s time for the much loved Question and Answer blog. In response to the much anticipated ASK the Expert call this Thursday from 6:00-7:00 pm PST with America’s “What’s Next expert, Lisa Steadman, we have received many questions regarding image, first date tips, and suggested scripts to ensure you get the 2nd date.

To wet your appetite, take a look at these 10 tips designed to help you empower yourself to take control of dating in 2010. In preparation for designing your next date, set a specific intention before you meet someone new. Be proactive! Design your date by embracing your feminine power. Instead of reacting to your perceptions of what he might think or feel, ensure that you stay in the moment, bringing your authentic, soft and compassionate side to the table. Take your intention to the next level by incorporating these tips into the intention you set. The result? Increased confidence, self love, and dating success.

10. Don’t dress to promote your wing wang or your sexy thang! Your image shouts who you are, AND what you are looking for. If you are looking for a long term relationship, wear something that says you are classy AND sexy. Remember, the right guy who is also looking for the real deal wants a woman he can bring home to mom.

9. Don’t suggest where to go, what to do, or tell him exactly what you want to do on the date. Men need to be empowered to be men. Let him call the shots! Even of he asks, tell him to suprise you!

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I’m back from Maui, and spent yesterday planning for 2010 with my team. While that’s all fabulous and exciting, I also want to reflect on my vacation, and the state of mind I had which enabled ideas to flow freely, love to grow and compassion to deepen. In looking more carefully at this, I realized I had a certain routine while on vacation which enabled me to access deeper parts of myself; A routine in which I took care of myself.  Ahh — back to the concept of self care, – and an expansion of the Self-Care Bootcamp I began in the end of 2009. So, what did I do in Maui?

1. Daily exercise: Ok, here’s the truth.  I didn’t do one hour of killer cardio on the stairmaster, run 6 miles every day or lift weights 4 times per week.  I did 30 minutes on a stationary bike, while reading a novel or listening to empowering, motivating audio discs. Hardly hard core.  Sometimes, after 15 minutes, I transferred to the elliptical machine.  I never stayed more than 40 minutes in the gym.  Ever.  During my official 6-week Self Care Boot Camp I took the advice of a long-time friend who is a personal trainer which was this:  ”Less is More.”  I cut back on power yoga.  Cut back on lifting weights.  Started walking with a friend, stopped running stairs.  As a recovering exercise bulemic who didn’t used to consider the 60 minute spin classes I taught five times per week as my exercise for the day, I have come far.  Some days, I skipped the gym entirely. Other days, I went for a long walk with my dad.  And one day, I decided to explore a new part of the beach path and went for a run/walk.  I tried to surf, pushed past my fear of choppy waves and snorkeled with my kids.

2.  Daily quiet time to reflect: Part of the Dating With Dignity 10-Step Process to Manifesting Love includes developing a connection to the still, quiet voice inside.  I call it “spirit.”  Others call is a Higher Power, the Universe or God.  As part of my daily routine while on vacation I took time to listen to reflective audio tapes, read important passages that connected me to spirit, or just meditated for 5 minutes or so while laying on the beach, in a hammock or near the pool.  It doesn’t mean I  sat cross-legged uttering ommmms for 40 minutes.  While I don’t get to meditate in those environments at home, this reminded me that when I take time to reflect, I connect.  This practice grounds me.  It reminds me to let go of anger, practice forgiveness daily, be compassionate and focus on the abundance that I have in my life.

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Warning! Today I let Christian out of the Dating with Dignity Den to drop a blog, instead of the usual vlog to answer the MOST frequently asked question at Dating With Dignity. Christian is very excited to jump on 2010 with a blog for Dating With Dignity, because as he says, “I love this place and believe in it passionately!”  Enjoy…

So here you are in 2010; you have been all dignified in your dating, found a decent chap to hang with, been on some great dates, maybe had some fun in the bedroom (no SEX for 3 months!-ok, maybe 1 month) and now you are starting to wonder…”We are having these great times out, but I don’t know if he is after a long term relationship.” We are assuming here that you are dating not just for fun, but you are genuinely looking for a substantial relationship and one to explore the rest of your life with…so you have this awesome dude and now you want to know, so you don’t waste your time.

Marni and I get this question all the time: “When is it ok to tell him that you are looking for a real relationship and not just a fun fling or casual dating?”

I will say, there is a bit of an age demographic to this question. If you are in your 20’s I would say wait and if you are in your mid 30’s and above I would say by the 3rd date, and in some cases the first. But first let’s get to the basics:
Remember…we men need guidance. We roll they way you roll…if you bring hot and sexy fun girl to the table- we go to the hot and sexy place and are thinking about hot and sexy fun in the bedroom. If you bring fun classy girl with good values then we go into this could be a potential wife mode and start thinking about how your name sounds with our last. Same girl, with two different presentations creates two different potential scenarios.

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