Dating With Dignity

I’m sure Angelica, my Marketing Assistant, will be upset that I’m using her material for today’s blog, but she asked me a very important question this afternoon regarding her reaction to a Facebook Friend request from “The One” who was her Big Break Up. At first, she said, she was shocked. Then she recoiled, her hands started to shake, and quite frankly, didn’t know what to do.

“Is it weird that I had such a strong reaction to his email?” she asked earnestly. “I don’t have feelings for him, but it took me so long to move past that relationship, and hearing from him freaked me out.”

I told Angelica this: It’s typical, normal and appropriate to get that butterfly, anxious, weird feeling when you get a text from The One, the guy who you just finally stopped thinking about every day. Often, these men come back into our lives to check to make sure we really meant it when we said goodbye. When my relationship with “The One,” ended, I would receive texts from him even though months had gone by since we had broken up. I tried to be friends with him. Sometimes I could. Other times I knew that by the true definition of the word, we could never be friends. It has been six years since that Big Breakup, and be assured I don’t get “the shakes” when he texts these days. The point is this, for years I would get the “tinge,” when I saw his number on my phone. I thought about him on holidays, and sometimes even texted or left messages for old times sake.

The comfort comes from acknowledging that letting go is a process that happens in phases. Each time he tries to come back, or just texts to “say hi,” you are in a very new and different place from the last time you communicated. It becomes surreal, however, when his machinations, manipulations and old ways no longer tug at your heart. The cute becomes less cute. It’s noticing you no longer react. It’s strange when it goes away, often feeling like a part of you is missing. The good news is this; it is missing. It’s gone. You don’t miss it. Your past has passed. Your future is undetermined. But one thing is for sure, you are now staying present in the moment; a moment where you are connected to yourself.

That said, when the Big Break Up from your past comes knocking at the door, know the person who answers is someone new. A someone who has moved on, recognizes how far she has come, and remembers the lessons she learned from The Big Break Up — quite possibly the very lessons that enabled her to head directly into a new life she loves.