Dating and Relationship Advice: Dating Mr. Sensitive

A Possible New Addition to the Dating With Dignity MANimal Species!

I have been working with several clients who seem to have identified a new species in the MANimal Kingdom.

Introducing Mr. Sensitive. Mr. Sensitive often lures women into pseudo relationships because he is inquisitive, sweet, and appears to be connected to himself emotionally. He may say he is really into you within the first few dates, tell you that you are different from other women he has dated, and share deep, intimate details about himself quickly. He often philosophizes, says he is on a “spiritual” journey or shares his “victim to victory” story with you. He knows, believe me, that once he begins to share these types of personal stories he will have you hooked. What’s more, once you feel “connected” to him, you put yourself at risk to move into “over-share” mode, giving him reason upon reason to rule you out of his current dating pool without knowing who you really are.

The bottom line is this: It is easy to recognize Mr. Sensitive and remain clear and discerning by getting to know him slowly. If he does reveal loads of personal information on the first or second date, interpret it as a red flag. Continue to get to know him, date-by-date, and then watch to make sure he is consistent. Ensure that his words and actions match. If he says he is spiritual…on a journey….or into self development, watch to see that his actions support his declarations. While it often seems like the miracle man has landed smack dap in your lap, (I mean, he doesn’t watch tons and tons of sports, read “The Power of Now,” and is in a Men’s Group) remember to remain curious. In short, don’t start planning the wedding just because he’s “so into you.” Who is he, really? If you hold on to your boundaries you won’t “fall to quickly,” and thus force Mr. Sensitive to decide if he is in it to win it. Mr. Sensitive often uses this approach because he receives validation from “making women fall in love with him. The problem, then becomes, that once you are “hooked,” he will most likely panic, break up and start the cycle again with someone new.

Here are five signs you may be dating Mr. Sensitive:

1. He talks about his personal journey, the ways in which he has changed, and quite possibly tell you a dramatic story from his childhood on the first or second date. He has no problem looking you directly in the eye.

2. He has been in several long term relationships lasting 3-9 months, and there is often no lapse between girlfriends.

3. He is sometimes hot, sometimes cold. He constantly tells you his deepest thoughts, wants to spend every minute with you, then pulls away.

4. You find yourself telling him, or your girlfriends, “I’ve never met anyone like him before.” (He loves to hear this — it’s fuel for his fire!)

5. Once you begin to let him know you are really falling for him (and you probably will, because he is so “open and deep”) he begins to find reasons to create space between the two of you.

Remember, there are men who will slide between Mr. Elusive, Mr. Sensitive, Mr. Quality Casual and The Hunter. However, the most important thing to know is that when you are confident, curious and remain neutral you will get to know who someone really is over time. As a result of this approach to dating, you can be sure that your heart will remain in YOUR care until it is safe to share.