It’s Christmas Eve Day, and quite frankly while I am really feeling blessed and blissed, I am also frustrated! I haven’t seen my kids in more than one week (they are with their dad) and for someone who is a recovering control freak, I hate feeling so “out of control.” This is the time where I remember to take my own advice, and step out of this victim, ick feeling and begin to feel grateful for the incredible relationship I typically have with my kids’ father, the friends who love me here in Maui and at home, and the fact that my boyfriend is supportive of me despite my complaining (even though these days he is slightly obsessed with the 40 foot waves that are expected on the North Shore of Maui on Christmas Day!) Knowing all this, he is not responsible for “getting me out of this mood,” nor is the sunshine, the gym or the tray of chocolates on the dining room table. I get to be responsible for me, for transforming this day into one of calm, peace and gratitude. I am going to forgive myself for agreeing to this vacation schedule with my ex-husband without really looking closely at the dates, jump into the day, and make it incredible!
Now, on to the guest blog, written by David Shade. While it has nothing to do with Christmas, per se, it does for me. It was on Christmas Eve, six years ago, that I was madly in love with the consummate bad boy. He was all these things. Sometimes he was worse. Sometimes he was better. I tell people, “he was the best, worst thing that ever happened to me” because the pain I suffered as a result of this relationship was debilitating. The good news is that it took me to the depths of myself, forcing me to pick myself up, transform my thinking, and take back control of my life.
My wish is for you to take control of your life in 2010. I’m here to support you on the journey. In the meantime, I’m going to smile, post this blog, breathe deeply, and do what is necessary to enjoy the warm Maui breeze
Now, on to Bad Boys. I’m dedicating this blog to mine.
Bad boys are confident. Confidence in a man is very alluring to a woman.
Bad boys are masculine. The feminine in a woman is attracted to the masculine in a man, and with a bad boy, it is extreme. It is this contrast that is so alluring to a woman. It makes her feel sexy and feminine.
Bad boys are fearless with women. He will woo her by being sweet and gentlemanly, while she is drawn to his masculine confidence.
Bad boys lead an exciting life. They are daring and live on the edge. Women want to be part of it to make their own life more exciting.
Bad boys are mysterious. They have a dark side that women are endlessly curious to know. She never really feels she knows him.
Bad boys cannot be tamed. Women are nurturing creatures, and are thus compelled to save him. She is determined to rescue him by teaching him how to love.
Bad boys are protective. Women don’t want to admit it, but women love to feel protected.
Bad boys are sexually exciting. For a woman, the sex is awesome with a bad boy. He is dominant, he talks dirty to her, he makes her do things she is too inhibited to do, and she loves it. It makes her feel sexual. It is extremely exciting for a woman to experience those intense sexual feelings.
Bad boys are addictive. She becomes so wrapped up in her experience that she realizes she needs it, and the bad boy knows it.
Once she becomes addicted, the bad side of the bad boy comes out.
Bad boys are selfish. He inconsiderately takes and takes, and she gladly gives and gives even more in order to keep him because she is addicted to the exciting sex.
Bad boys are secretive. She begins to notice things he is keeping from her, things about his dark side that would be self-incriminating.
Bad boys make promises of fidelity and then deny their indiscretions. When she learns he has cheated, she is devastated; but she needs it, so she works even harder to save him.
Bad boys are paranoid. He knows that other men do exactly the same thing. Thus, he is very possessive of his women. He becomes controlling in order to keep her to himself.
It is incongruent. The internal incongruity is another form of weakness.
Bad boys are apron-hugging mamma’s boys. His frequent visits to his mother and his need for his mother’s approval supersede his woman’s needs because bad boys have the Madonna-Whore complex.
Most every highly-sexual woman has been with a bad boy at least once in her life. This is true for both high self-esteem and low self-esteem women.
Eventually, the high self-esteem woman can’t take the drama any more, and she leaves him. It is probably the most emotionally traumatic thing she will ever do. It is heart wrenching for her because she has become so addicted to the awesome sex.
But did you notice something? It’s not the Bad Boy’s aggressiveness or spontaneity or cocky super-confidence that makes a woman eventually get up and leave him, it is his weakness. For all that they may be exciting and challenging, Bad Boys are not strong men, not truly. And when she finds out the truth of his weaknesses it is then that a woman leaves him. His paranoia and jealousy demonstrate that his confidence is only skin deep. His shallow inability to commit to one woman shows his terrible lack of trust in his own judgment. And his reckless behaviors and inability to love reveal that, much as he may play with fire, he is actually scared shitless of the power of life. The real reason a woman leaves a Bad Boy is not because he was too powerful but because he was too weak!
After a woman has been through the roller coaster ride with a bad boy, she will forever avoid inconsiderate jerks, but she will always crave those intense sexual feelings, feelings of being uber-feminine, of being possessed and dominated, of being “out-of-control” passionate.
Let me repeat: She will always crave those intense sexual feelings.
I discuss this at length in my upcoming program “Select Men Wisely” where I teach women the important things to look for and how to quickly spot them. To discover more about that, start with my Free CD here:
Written By David Shade
David Shade, America’s Renegade Sex Expert,” has been a featured speaker at numerous sexuality and relationshipconferences, appeared on numerous radio shows including PlayboySatellite Radio, been a featured guest expert contributing to an array of relationship products, has writtenfor Men’s Health and OUI magazines, was sited in “The Game” by Neil Strauss, and is the Sex Advice columnist for the Detroit Examiner. Dating With Dignity will feature David on an ASK the Expert Teleclass February 25.