I was emptying the magazine rack the other day and ran across an issue of Men’s Health I had lifted from the condo we stayed in during our vacation to Whistler last summer. In the July/August, 2009 issue of Men’s Health, actor Josh Duhamel gave an interview in which he talks about his marriage to Fergie, and offers a handful of personal mantras to readers. While I’m not usually a fan of Men’s Health, I was somehow drawn to the sidebar and noticed that the Duhamel-isms listed seem to be apropos to dating and relationships. Perhaps he’s on to something. And, as it is time to reflect on those things for which we are grateful, it seems to me that the message becomes this: when we choose to focus the lens through which we view the world to see mostly greatness and wisdom, it somehow manages to appear everywhere — even in Men’s Health. It’s this point of view for which I am grateful this Thanksgiving.
Now, on to the task at hand; the translating Duhamel-isms into Dating With Dignity -isms.
1. Be Yourself. Know yourself, then be yourself. As man panelist, Christian Anderson, always reminds DWD viewers, men and women are attracted to someone who is real. A person who isn’t afraid to sweat. Someone with whom you can be silly, or laugh with when you erroneously push on the door marked pull. It’s no surprise three dates have resulted from the Dating With Dignity cooking event last week because the fun setting made it simple for everyone to be themselves. We are all most authentic and thus attractive when we are our genuine selves.
2. Learn to accept rejection. While Josh may be referring to his acting career, this point of view applies quite perfectly to dating. “It’s not a match” is just part of the dating process. It doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you, that you “messed it up,” or that you are not worthy of love. It simply means that you weren’t “right for the part.” Get back in the saddle, schedule another audition, and prepare yourself for greatness.
3. Do it for the right reasons. Don’t lose sight of what you want in your life — what kind of life do you want to really create? While we can endlessly argue regarding when to have sex, when to “break up,” or when to send a text and when to call, check in with your intuitive voice to make sure whatever you are doing comes from a place of self-love, dignity and peace of mind.
4. Turn the page. What has happened in the past is done. Duhamel says to simply move on, turn the page and look for the lessons learned. Have no regrets. Forgive yourself. Forgive others. And then, begin to write the next chapter.
5. Make time for your posse. According to Men’s Health, Duhamel makes time in his life to stay connected to old friends, despite his active lifestyle. Ensure that you stay connected to friends, both old and new. Reach out. Connect and make plans. A key component of the Dating With Dignity 10-Step Method to Manifesting love includes, “Creating a Life you Love.” Connecting with friends keep you grounded and ensures that with our without a mate, you have a fulfilling, love-filled life and a supportive community. If you feel isolated, take action to begin connecting. This means STOP whining, blaming and isolating. Pick up the phone. Send an email to an old friend, take the first step to reach out to someone you met at a party or class, or look online tonight for a meetup.com group that is meeting near you.
6. Look Back to Move Forward. Self-awareness and recognition of old patterns, behaviors, thoughts and beliefs can help you see where you WANT to go. Each bad date and failed relationship provides new information and insights to what you don’t want, plus an array of opportunities to fine-tune your dating tactics. Become a better on-line dater, learn to be more discerning, and continue moving forward. Honoring the distance traveled lends perspective to the next leg.
Happy Thanksgiving Dignity Daters. I am blessed for this forum, grateful for your attentive ears, and honored that you spend time with me here each day. I’m sending you love, light and reminding you to be grateful for your beautiful, magnificent SELF, your unique gifts, and the energy you bring to the world. Hugs.