I was emptying the magazine rack the other day and ran across an issue of Men’s Health I had lifted from the condo we stayed in during our vacation to Whistler last summer. In the July/August, 2009 issue of Men’s Health, actor Josh Duhamel gave an interview in which he talks about his marriage to Fergie, and offers a handful of personal mantras to readers. While I’m not usually a fan of Men’s Health, I was somehow drawn to the sidebar and noticed that the Duhamel-isms listed seem to be apropos to dating and relationships. Perhaps he’s on to something. And, as it is time to reflect on those things for which we are grateful, it seems to me that the message becomes this: when we choose to focus the lens through which we view the world to see mostly greatness and wisdom, it somehow manages to appear everywhere — even in Men’s Health. It’s this point of view for which I am grateful this Thanksgiving.
Now, on to the task at hand; the translating Duhamel-isms into Dating With Dignity -isms.
1. Be Yourself. Know yourself, then be yourself. As man panelist, Christian Anderson, always reminds DWD viewers, men and women are attracted to someone who is real. A person who isn’t afraid to sweat. Someone with whom you can be silly, or laugh with when you erroneously push on the door marked pull. It’s no surprise three dates have resulted from the Dating With Dignity cooking event last week because the fun setting made it simple for everyone to be themselves. We are all most authentic and thus attractive when we are our genuine selves.
2. Learn to accept rejection. While Josh may be referring to his acting career, this point of view applies quite perfectly to dating. “It’s not a match” is just part of the dating process. It doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you, that you “messed it up,” or that you are not worthy of love. It simply means that you weren’t “right for the part.” Get back in the saddle, schedule another audition, and prepare yourself for greatness.
3. Do it for the right reasons. Don’t lose sight of what you want in your life — what kind of life do you want to really create? While we can endlessly argue regarding when to have sex, when to “break up,” or when to send a text and when to call, check in with your intuitive voice to make sure whatever you are doing comes from a place of self-love, dignity and peace of mind.
4. Turn the page. What has happened in the past is done. Duhamel says to simply move on, turn the page and look for the lessons learned. Have no regrets. Forgive yourself. Forgive others. And then, begin to write the next chapter.
5. Make time for your posse. According to Men’s Health, Duhamel makes time in his life to stay connected to old friends, despite his active lifestyle. Ensure that you stay connected to friends, both old and new. Reach out. Connect and make plans. A key component of the Dating With Dignity 10-Step Method to Manifesting love includes, “Creating a Life you Love.” Connecting with friends keep you grounded and ensures that with our without a mate, you have a fulfilling, love-filled life and a supportive community. If you feel isolated, take action to begin connecting. This means STOP whining, blaming and isolating. Pick up the phone. Send an email to an old friend, take the first step to reach out to someone you met at a party or class, or look online tonight for a meetup.com group that is meeting near you.
6. Look Back to Move Forward. Self-awareness and recognition of old patterns, behaviors, thoughts and beliefs can help you see where you WANT to go. Each bad date and failed relationship provides new information and insights to what you don’t want, plus an array of opportunities to fine-tune your dating tactics. Become a better on-line dater, learn to be more discerning, and continue moving forward. Honoring the distance traveled lends perspective to the next leg.
Happy Thanksgiving Dignity Daters. I am blessed for this forum, grateful for your attentive ears, and honored that you spend time with me here each day. I’m sending you love, light and reminding you to be grateful for your beautiful, magnificent SELF, your unique gifts, and the energy you bring to the world. Hugs.
Greetings and salutations,
I first wanted to wish everyone a blessed and a happy holiday season.Remebering there are those who are less fortunate.Be grateful for what you have,you never know when it can be gone.
Firstly,you went to whistler? man, I want to go there,and I will someday,I almost went a couple of years ago.But,I know that place is truely majestic.
On to the meat and potatoes
Being myself…..hmmmmmmmm…..dont think I have a problem there, lol. But,I will say that there can be a happy medium between being yourself and not rubbing people the wrong way just to make a point.The “win at all costs” mentality has a short rope and its usually conected to my neck…haha.Thats ok live and learn.I think it just comes down to making an effort to flow with the situation,even if you cannot agree or stand someone.To act in a dignified and respectful manner, is best.Of course the prankster in me always interceeds.Oh well, rome wasnt built in a day !
Ohhh,learning to accept rejection…now thats an interesting one.I guess it depends on how much i build up the expectation. But as they say expectations are rejections (disappointments) waiting to happen. I dont think that many people handle this one all that well.Oh ya you can say,just move on,but,I still think its human nature to want to be accepted and thus rejection is definetly a tuffy.I think it is tough because deep down we all feel like we deserve acceptance.When in fact it has nothing to do with ME or YOU at all its just the way it is……take a deep breath and onward you go.
#3 now that is a critical paragraph. I think we touched on this a bit the other day in our chat. Ok so here is a biggy for me.I can argue a point until im blue in the face,its nothing personal its just the way I am used to debating issues,but at what point is it a beaten to death horse and does it relly mean all that much in the much larger picture? What does it matter if you are right or wrong,taken to the enth degree,not really much of anything.Coming from a place of self dignity,self love and peace of mind. All three of these items are critical to eliminate self deprocating behavior.This is at the core of self improvement,self relazation,and self-empowerment.These are areas that everyone can improve from working on.I dont think there is a diploma from these issues,they are ongoing and ever changing.
Turn the page is also a good one…..ever have a relationship where you just wish that the magic god would just come down and fix if he or she would only change or be open to changing to see our point of view.In my experience if its that turbulant to begin with its pretty much not going to fly.I mean there are exceptions but wouldent you rather take that energy and put it towards at the very least helping others if not your self.I mean if you enjoy rocking back and forth of your apartment with drool coming from your mouth and muttering your lost ones name over and over,then have at it.I assure you after you wipe your mouth the problem will still be there and since you will be alone,try looking in the mirror for that accountability you so desperatly seek. Next page is right…amen to that.
This next paragraph reminded me of boundries and trust. If you cant handle being away from the one you love for one second I would say your in for a rocky road.I get all that,i want to be with them stuff,heck I have done it too,but I think its much healthier to have your friends and your hobbies.Its ok to do them together,but its also a sign of a strong relationship if you can also do them without as well. I think ther are some serious trust issues associated with this. It all comes down to allowing the relationship to flow like a river. if you feel that you cannot trust them when they are out with there friends,perhaps you are with the wrong person.Or perhaps you have self esteem issues with yourself.Or in the past you have been lead astray.remember this,every relationship is a new one so you have to wipe the slate clean it is unfair and unproductive to assume that everyone after the jerk is in fact also a jerk.unfair and immature.If they give you cause to pause that much then be honest enough to say thanks but no thanks. I speak from experience.
the last paragraph I have blogged about at length. I could not agree more.
I am at a point in my life where all of these things seem crystal clear to me.There are no free rides no free lunchs,sure you can stick your head in the sand and hope for the best. But,why ? To be afraid to seek your inner happiness is only doing a dis service to your potential and those around you as a loving,productive human being. And in my opinion that is the biggest tragedy of all. To waste your god given talents to protect your fears. What a shame.
BUT NO !!……….. IT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE THAT WAY,THE CHOICE IS OURS.
LIFE IS IN SESSION.
READY………..SET……………….EAT TURKEY
thanks for the space