It’s time to answer a question I receive frequently regarding online dating! One DWD fan, in particular wrote to ask if it is appropriate for a woman to pursue a man online. She also asks how long should she communicate via email exclusively? Well folks, here’s the dealio:
1. Both men and women can initiate contact online! If you are interested in someone’s profile online, feel free to write them to say hi. Send a short, one paragraph email mentioning something specific you have read about them in their profile. Nobody likes to receive a generic cut/paste email. Take a few minutes to really read their profile. Did they mention a book or class they have taken? Take an extra second to do a google search on that topic, become quickly familiar with the thing they have referenced, and then mention it in your email. Bottom line? Show that you are doing more than shopping for pictures. Let the person know you are interested in him or her, their interests, and tell him/her why you think you could be a good match. One paragraph is fine! A great email close? Try this: “I would love to meet you soon, Susie, to hear more about (insert topic, book title, vacation they mentioned etc). Let me know when you are free!” If you do not hear back from “Susie,” do not lament. Instead, know that in some way the Universe was protecting you from wasting time with someone who is “not a match.” Don’t write back. Don’t wink. Let it go, moving on to create space for someone new. If you receive an email and are not interested, take time to write a brief email that looks something like this: “Hi Brad. Thanks so much for taking the time to write to me. While I am flattered by your inquiry, I believe we are not a good match. Best of luck in your search.”
2. Move past email communication quickly. Take a quick pit stop at texting if you must, pause to talk on the phone once or twice, but make sure you are headed towards the face-to-face meeting within one week – 10 days. Don’t invest time and energy in someone you don’t know. Don’t share intimate details about yourself, your life, your hopes or your dreams online. Make sure emails don’t become journal entries. Be positive. Upbeat. Don’t become friends on Facebook. If a man continues to email you without moving to the next step, let him know you would like to meet, however do NOT ask him on the date. Simply write something like this: “I’ve enjoyed communicating via email, but would love to be able to chat in person soon. Looking forward to speaking with you.” By using the word, “speaking,” you are letting him know that you are very close to being done with email communication. Then, let it go. If he does not write you to invite you to meet, or request your phone number, move on. Do not write back.
Women need to be patient. Create space for a man to invite you out, or take the online interaction to the next level. Men, please don’t linger in email hell. Instead, cut to the chase, make a plan to talk on the phone. Ask her out on a date via phone. (remember, you aren’t expected to chat with her for hours) And don’t forget, make sure your first date with someone you have met online involves meeting for something quick, such as coffee or a drink. Not a match? Hang in. Be polite. Don’t make promises to “call you soon,” if you won’t. Remember the Dating With Dignity Mantra, “It’s not a match!”
Please send your questions for Q and A Monday to firstname.lastname@example.org using the subject line: QUESTION.
Also, remember to register NOW for the NEW workshop I am teaching tomorrow evening from 7-9pm.
Designed for ANYONE who is interested experience HIGHER levels of success in dating and relationships, this workshop could be your “ah-ha” moment that begins to CHANGE the results you are getting in your love life. We will register at 7pm, have a drink and appetizer, then sit down to work at 7:30pm.
Remember, this is a NEW workshop to expose you to FIVE steps you can take to FINALLY bring love into your life.
In addition to receiving a 25-page “Personal Relationship Guidebook,” people who attend this workshop will learn skills to:
1. Get OUT of your romantic rut, or make sure you don’t GET into one
2. Increase your confidence to make sure you get your EXPECTATIONS met
3. Get FASTER results in finding a long-term relationship
4. Make BETTER choices to stop wasting time on dates or relationships that are GOING nowhere
To register now, while it’s still on your mind go to: http://www.mcssl.com/SecureCart/ViewCart.aspx?sctoken=c3b487207afb4f06bc97e54f7b33df99&mid=11238FCC-6C84-4640-B4D8-817E72418500&bhcp=1