It was a weekend filled with many questions from clients and DWD fans, and I would love to have Mondays be my official Q and A day. So, if you have a question, shoot me an email at DatingWithDignity@gmail.com and I will begin to answer them on Mondays. Here are two to get us started!
Question #1: Is there a way to sleep with a man, and keep your dignity? To answer this question thoroughly requires that you have an awareness about a few of the Dating With Dignity Tools, and how they help you date with dignity. While an in-depth examination of this question requires time and coaching, you can begin now by asking yourself one primary question: “What is my relationship goal?” When answering this question, make sure you are specific and clear. For example. I am looking to find a man with whom I can have children and marry. Or, I am looking for a woman who doesn’t want kids, and wants a committed relationship but does not require that we be married. Or, I would like to have a casual, sexually exclusive relationship with someone whom I date 2-3 times per week. Or last, I am looking to have some safe, honest fun because I know I am not ready to make a commitment.
Once you know what you are looking for, then you can begin to make discerning decisions that are in harmony with your relationship goals. If you have a relationship goal and vision in which you are in an exclusive, committed relationship then the Dating With Dignity guideline is to adhere to “The Rule of 60–Days, that is,” meaning that you do not have intercourse with someone you are dating for a minimum of 60 days. For the inside scoop on this, ask me for a copy of the latest Man Panel teleconference at firstname.lastname@example.org. Put “MAN PANEL” in the subject line. This recording will let you hear, first hand, why men believe women who are girlfriend material will say no when it comes to having sex. Ultimately, however, it is ONLY you who knows what situations put you are at risk for waking up feeling that you made a bad choice. If you are looking for a committed relationship but have an open, honest relationship with Mr. Quality Casual, and you choose to have sex with him or her, make sure you are most importantly, honest with yourself. Can you really have “no strings attached” sex, or is too difficult for you to compartmentalize. Again, if you are looking for a long-term relationship, my best advice is to hold out on having sex. You will not only preserve your dignity but increase the chances that Mr. Right will get to know and value you for WHO you are, not what you “put out.”
Question #2: What is the difference between, “just not that into me,” and “just not into a relationship?” Ultimately, you must go back to question #1 and decide what it is you are looking for. If you are looking for a relationship, know that if a man who you have been dating does not call or ask you out for the upcoming weekend (or, if you are a man, your phone call goes unreturned or she says she is busy this weekend), chances are he or she is not into having a relationship with YOU, or perhaps with anyone at this time. The bottom line is this: stop wondering why he or she didn’t call, and begin to recognize that by saying no to these type of men and women you are creating space in your life; space in which there is now room for someone who is INTO YOU, and into a having a relationship to come into your life.