Dating With Dignity

There were many opportunities to date and explore new possibilities this week for Dignity Daters!  One of the most popular questions I received is based on a fundamental Dating With Dignity principle; a date is an opportunity to make a human one-to-one connection with another person — it is not an INTERVIEW!  Quite a relief, isn’t it?  So then, how can you make a shift in your thinking so that you approach a first or second date with the following objectives:

1.  Collect Data

2.  Have Fun

Your question might be, then, how can I collect data if I am not on an interview?  Here is the answer:  Collecting data is simply the act of learning something new about another person.   When you are collecting data then, it is imperative that you engage in active listening, which is very different from merely hearing the words another person says.

When you are engaged in active listening, you accept what is being said to you without making any value judgments.  You simply listen, then clarify, asking the person to more  thoroughly express their ideas or feelings.  Next, you can appropriately reflect the feelings or thoughts back to the person who is speaking using words that validate or acknowledge how they feel. They key to active listening is that  you are not focused on how you can fix the challenge a person may be describing; you are not trying to provide a service or assist the person in some way with your information or knowledge; and last, you are not focusing attention inward,  thinking primarily of what you will say next.

Here is an example of active listening using validation and clarification.

Brad: “I was slammed at work today because my new boss want to prove to his boss that he is going to make a significant difference in my department before the end of the year.”

Sue:  ”That sounds rough.”  (this is an example in which Sue acknowledges Brad’s situation without offering a solution)

Brad:  ”It was.”  He sighs and leans back in his chair.

Sue:  ”Tell me about what it was like when you were working with your old boss?”  (Now Sue follows with an open-ended clarifying question so she can learn more about Brad’s situation.)

In addition, a date that is based on having a human connection rather than an interview involves asking open-ended questions (questions that don’t result in a “yes” or “no” answer) throughout the date.  Thus, just imagine your sole objective is to engage in curious conversation– that is, you are simply curious to learn, explore and interact with your date without judgements such as “he would be a perfect match,” or  ”this would never work.”

Once you begin to engage in active listening, ensure that date numbers one and two are FUN!  Remember, you are most at risk for an “interview-esque” date when you stay within the traditional rigid boundaries of a dinner, coffee or  lunch date.  However, a date in which you share an experience that is new to both of you, or  one which simply involves experiencing something together, is most likely to result in open, relaxed conversation, laughter, and opportunities for you to see the person in a natural, less stressful environment.  (Who wants to be nervous about chewing with their mouth full, using the correct silverware, or spilling their glass of wine– even the most refined among us get’s nervous in this situation!)  Here then, are a few ideas for active, experiential dates:

1.  putt-putt golf

2. bowling

3.  hiking

4. walking on the beach, a park or other setting that involves nature

5.  rent rollar blades/skates and learn to skate together

6.  ride horses

7.  farmer’s market

8. art festival

Become a “Data-Dater” in the next few weeks and let me know how this Dating With Dignity approach to dating impacts your ability to feel more comfortable and confident.  Not dating regularly?  No worries!  In fact, this is the best time to practice your active listening skills with friends and family.  Once you become at ease with this skill, you will find that your connections to the people in your life have deepened significantly.  I can’t wait to hear about YOUR results!

Happy Turkey Day Dignity Daters!  I’m sure most of you are knee deep in stuffing right now, while others might already be in the post-tryptophan coma!  Me?  I just finished baking up some yams in honor of my mom’s renowned  Thanksgiving recipe.  I woke up this morning totally missing my mom, who died 14 months ago after a heroic battle with lung cancer.  I had a dream last night in which she turned up, “not dead,” and we were driving around Arizona (the place  my parents lived for the past 15 years) looking for a place to stay.  In the dream I kept suggesting to go to her friends’ homes, but she insisted they had adjusted to her being gone so we should not “freak them out” by turning up.  Weird, right?  Thing is, I miss my mom.  Sometimes more, sometimes less.  But the truth is that today while I was baking yams I wished I had spent more time cooking with her, instead of going for the long run, reading in my bedroom, or watching football with the gang.

What, you ask, what the heck does this have to do with dating?  Or relationships?  Or dignity?

Well, here’s the bridge — today I wanted to spend time with my boyfriend, Jem, but woke up in a funk.  I felt  sad that I didn’t wake to the aroma of pies baking in the oven, the smells of cinnamon and spice flicking yum throughout the rooms of my house, and that the only noise I heard was the intense quiet that resonates when the kids are at their dad’s house. It felt like a knife had sliced open my gut.  Top it off, my British boyfriend doesn’t really “get” this holiday (yet) and had rushed off first thing to wash his car, grab coffee and run errands.(he literally had no idea every shop in Santa Monica and Venice would be closed for the holiday). While I knew we were ultimately heading to my ex-husband’s house  to have the  traditional Thanksgiving holiday meal with my three daughters and friends, I just couldn’t shake the funk.

In an effort to un-funk myself, I went for a run, did the “stairs” in Mar Vista and listened to some amazing audio from a CD series I listen to regularly entitled, “The Dream Builder,” written my Mary Morrissey. (click on this link to get Mary’s incredible dream builder kit for free —  be assured there is no commission for me — I just want to share this incredible resource).  In this CD, Mary discusses  how for most of us it’s quite easy to be grateful “for” things in our life when life is good.  During Thanksgiving, we rush to update our Facebook status declaring gratitude for family, friends, love and life.  Easy.  Right?  Yet, when life turns dark, things sorta suck, and it seems like we are so desperately alone, it becomes difficult to muster up anything that resembles gratitude.  Mary presents the concept of having gratitude “in” things (vs. “for” things), which involves the ability to find gratitude in any situation we find ourselves.  This, says Mary Morrissey, is the ultimate human freedom — the freedom to choose.  The freedom to choose to have gratitude even though life is giving us lemons.

Cut back to Thanksgiving, the dream about mom, and Jem.  Well, after running, sweating and thinking, I ultimately remembered whether to “funk,” or “un-funk” was my choice.  The challenge became then, how would  I un-funk to find gratitude in this odd Thanksgiving, even though I felt sad.  I remembered the great times I did have with my mom, setting the Thanksgiving table, baking pies with my kids. and witnessing her grace and incredible culinary aptitude cooking for crowds that would often exceed 30 people. Jem said that in some ways my dream had allowed me to be with my mom, because it felt so damn real.  And then, I told Jem that  I had figured out that when it comes to holidays, in truth, our cultural differences, need to be addressed.  In the future, I need to state my expectations for American holidays up front.  He’s never had Thanksgiving before (his ex-wife was British), so I need to understand that someone who didn’t grow up watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, watching football, and cooking all day with his family would have NO idea whatsoever that this is America’s favorite holiday.  And, as a huge family person, I explained to him that spending time together before dinner with the kids  had been paramount to my having a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday.  Ahhh.  Sigh.  I took action.  I spoke my truth.  I listened, asking for help.  I moved from funkful victim thinking to self-awareness,  curiosity, and then forgiveness of myself, Jem and for my mom who went and “got” cancer.

Hmmm.  It was my choice how this holiday would be for me.  I chose to unfunk.  I chose to be grateful in being alive.  In knowing that even when life gives it’s proverbial lemons, it presents an opportunity to create lemonade.

The yams are done.  I went and made the kind with marshmallows too, even though I was asked to bring the marshmallow-free variety.  My house now smells like Thanksgiving.  Jem put on Vivaldi.  My daughter just texted me, to tell me it’s black Friday tomorrow.  Two of the butterflies, who have been metamorphasizing in my 7 year old daughter’s room, have broken free of their chrysalids today.  And my boyfriend is talking to his sister in Australia via Ichat.   She is doing paperwork, completely unaware that today is America’s favorite holiday.  Ahhh.. the foreigners

I love my life.

I am blessed in the choices I have made.

And I am officially declaring myself  ”un-funked.”

Happy Thanksgiving.

Gratitude and blessings to all of you!

I was emptying the magazine rack the other day and ran across an issue of Men’s Health I had lifted from the condo we stayed in during our vacation to Whistler last summer. In the July/August, 2009 issue of Men’s Health, actor Josh Duhamel gave an interview in which he talks about his marriage to Fergie, and offers a handful of personal mantras to readers. While I’m not usually a fan of Men’s Health, I was somehow drawn to the sidebar and noticed that the Duhamel-isms listed seem to be apropos to dating and relationships. Perhaps he’s on to something. And, as it is time to reflect on those things for which we are grateful, it seems to me that the message becomes this: when we choose to focus the lens through which we view the world to see mostly greatness and wisdom, it somehow manages to appear everywhere — even in Men’s Health. It’s this point of view for which I am grateful this Thanksgiving.

Now, on to the task at hand;  the translating Duhamel-isms into Dating With Dignity -isms.

1.  Be Yourself. Know yourself, then be yourself.  As man panelist, Christian Anderson, always reminds DWD viewers, men and women are attracted to someone who is real.  A person who isn’t afraid to sweat.  Someone with whom you can be silly, or laugh with when you erroneously push on the door marked pull.  It’s no surprise three dates have resulted from the Dating With Dignity cooking event last week because the  fun setting made it simple for everyone to be themselves.  We are all most authentic and thus attractive when we are our genuine selves.

2.  Learn to accept rejection. While Josh may be referring to his acting career, this point of view applies quite perfectly to dating.  ”It’s not a match”  is just part of the dating process.  It doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you, that you “messed it up,” or that you are not worthy of love.  It simply means that you weren’t “right for the part.”  Get back in the saddle, schedule another audition, and prepare yourself for greatness.

3.  Do it for the right reasons. Don’t lose sight of what you want in your life — what kind of life do you want to really create? While we can endlessly argue regarding when to have sex, when to “break up,” or when to send a text and when to call, check in with your intuitive voice to make sure whatever you are doing comes from a place of self-love, dignity and peace of mind.

4.  Turn the page. What has happened in the past is done.  Duhamel says to simply move on, turn the page and look for the lessons learned.  Have no regrets.  Forgive yourself.  Forgive others.  And then, begin to write the next chapter.

5.  Make time for your posse. According to Men’s Health, Duhamel makes time in his life to stay connected to old friends, despite his active lifestyle.  Ensure that you stay connected to friends, both old and new.  Reach out.  Connect and make plans.  A key component of the Dating With Dignity 10-Step Method to Manifesting love includes, “Creating a Life you Love.”  Connecting with friends keep you grounded and ensures that with our without a mate, you have a fulfilling, love-filled life and a supportive community.  If you feel isolated, take action to begin connecting.  This means STOP whining, blaming and isolating.  Pick up the phone.  Send an email to an old friend, take the first step to reach out to someone you met at a party or class, or look online tonight for a meetup.com group that is meeting near you.

6.  Look Back to Move Forward. Self-awareness and recognition of old patterns, behaviors, thoughts and beliefs can help you see where you WANT to go.  Each bad date and failed relationship provides new information and insights to what you don’t want, plus an array of opportunities to fine-tune your dating tactics.  Become a better on-line dater, learn to be more discerning, and continue moving forward.  Honoring the distance traveled lends perspective to the next leg.

Happy Thanksgiving Dignity Daters.  I am blessed for this forum, grateful for your attentive ears, and honored that you spend time with me here each day.  I’m sending you love, light and reminding you to be grateful for your beautiful, magnificent SELF, your unique gifts, and the energy you bring to the world.  Hugs.

Happy Tuesday Dignity Daters!  As you may know, I am a big fan of the short and sweet phone call.  Memories of hiding in the closet twirling the yellow phone cord haunt us all… That said, let’s review how the short goal-oriented phone call goes:  Man calls woman.  They speak for 5-10 minutes on the phone  in which he ends the conversation by asking her to meet him (known to most of you as asking her to go on “a date.”)  I invite you to keep these conversations short because spending one hour on the phone with someone you don’t know very well gives you an opportunity to send an inaccurate message about who you are.  Remember, people are trained to “rule out,” rather than “rule you in.” One slip made out of context and the person on the other end of the phone may make an entire closet full of assumptions, interpretations and generalizations about you are.  For example, perhaps you would describe yourself to  friends as a person who is positive, engaging and authentic.  Then, however, when you get on the phone you begin telling her, in the course of “harmless” casual conversation, that the economy has you concerned,  and while you have really changed your spending patterns, you can’t stop dining at your favorite expensive restaurants.  Hmmmm.  What messages does this “harmless” conversation project?  Instead, keep it short.  Make the date the focal point of getting to know more about him/her.

In addition, steer clear of  the  acclaimed “Swingers” answering machine faux pas.  Leave ONE message. (No hang-ups please…it’s just plain rude)  If she or he doesn’t call back, let it go.  Move on.  And as I always say, create space for someone new to come into your life.  If someone calls you, make an effort to return the call within 24 hours.  Even if you are not interested in a first or 2nd date, return the phone call to let him/her know it’s “not a match.”  Remember, what goes ’round, comes ’round, and I’m confident there isn’t one of you who appreciates having phone calls go unreturned.

Last, don’t say something to a potential love-interest on the phone that you wouldn’t typically say to a new friend.  During the 10 minute phone conversation make sure you are polite.  Be open and kind. For example, if you are uncomfortable when men pick you up at your home on a first or 2nd date, you don’t need to let him know this prior to him asking you on the date by stating something that results in him feeling like he’s just been given the “Heisman.”  (Envision little statue of a football player giving his imaginary opponent the defensive strong-arm).  For example, Sara might mistakenly say to Max during their first phone conversation, “My job?  Well, I’m an interior decorator, Max. Oh..and…. I never let men into my house until I know them really, really well.  My home is my castle.”  This statement leaves Max feeling rejected, before he has even attempted to get to know Sara better.  In short, yikes.

To some, the phone is like a typewriter.  Archaic, slow and inefficient.  However, when used correctly, the phone can set you apart from the rest of the dating community.  Picking up the phone to make a call demonstrates your willingness to make an effort, shows you want to connect with someone via voice technology instead of the written word.  It shows you care.  Returning phone calls promptly demonstrates your unwillingness to play games.  It can reflect that you have integrity, and that your words and actions match.  Using the phone effectively can help you become a dating superstar.  Make a mistake and the consequences can be tragic.

I have to go now.  I’m getting a call…..

Hey Dignity Daters! It was another weekend of breakups and “it’s not a match,” conversations for many clients and Dating With Dignity fans. As such, the question this week revolves around skills to help you brave the unknown resultant feelings of ick that come from saying “good-bye.” First off, it’s important to know that it is, in fact, difficult to say “no,” to someone. Old patterns of creating drama to make it “easy,” must be avoided at all costs. He or she does not have to be a “jerk,” to warrant ending a relationship. Most important, once you determine if this person will not meet your long-term relationship goals, it is time to say good bye. Here are a few tips to get you through this difficult period.

1.  Create a list of reasons you want to be in a relationship, then revisit it to remember why it’s important to say goodbye now, rather than later. Why do you want to be in a relationship?  Do you want a partner?  Do you want to have someone with whom you can travel?  Do you want to explore new levels of intimacy?  Write these reasons down on a piece of paper.  Once you have your list, make a choice.  Is it your intention to have these things in your life sooner…or later?  If you would rather have this ideal relationship sooner, recognize that saying good-bye and living through the discomfort now will ultimately bring you closer to achieving your relationship goal.  Revisit this list prior to having the goodbye or “it’s not a match” discussion with your partner.

2.  Grieve the loss. Remember that pain is inevitable, yet suffering is optional.  What you resist, however, will persist.  Thus, allow yourself to grieve.  As you connect to your sadness,  become aware of what messages you are hearing from the inner critic voice that lives inside us all.  If  your inner critic voice is saying things like, “This is the best you can do,” or “You made a mistake.  You’ll never get all you want,” check in with yourself.  Find a quiet space and ask yourself this question:  How TRUE are these statements, really? Once you recognize that these messages come from your inner critic voice, you can disengage from them by connecting to your authentic, magnificent self.  In this moment of connection, you will hear that quiet inner voice– the “who” that you REALLY are — shouting the TRUTH.  It will say, “I AM worthy of a loving relationship.  I am  love-able, and I am loving.

3.  Take ACTION to Create the Life You Love. One of the proven-successful Dating With Dignity Tools to Manifesting Love includes taking action to create a life you love via an array of methods.  To begin, set goals regarding what areas of your life need attention.  For example, do you want to put attention on building new social relationships, exploring your spirituality, setting intentions around health and wellness goals, career possibilities, how to have more fun and expand your enjoyment of life, or build deeper relationships with your family? Put your attention towards developing a specific plan to move forward in these areas.  Once you have identified specific goals, put a plan of action into place.  Join meetup.com, check out volunteer opportunities, take a yoga class, begin gardening, join one of Dating With Dignity’s new tele-Mastermind groups, (email me at datingwithdignity@gmail.com for details on trying out one month for free beginning in December) take an extension class or investigate opportunities at your local community college.  Remember, thoughts, feelings and actions yield results.  Feeling sad?  Take positive action.  Move forward.  Put yourself in motion.  Don’t throw yourself a pity party — there are no guests, you won’t meet anyone new, and the coffee will most likely be cold.

4.  Become comfortable in your discomfort. As you grow, change and evolve on the path of self awareness, there are new levels of discomfort you will assuredly experience.  Welcome them as affirmation of your development.  With change comes discomfort.  Become comfortable in knowing that this discomfort will pass.  Take action.  Go for a walk.  Meditate.  Read a book, watch TV or connect with a friend.

Most important, know that there is a community of Dignity Daters who support you in your struggle.  On behalf of all of us, we send you love, support and light as you accept the challenges that come from wanting more fulfillment, joy, happiness and peace in your  life.  Bravo for taking a risk.  Congratulations for saying “no,” to accepting less than you deserve, and for saying “yes” to yourself.  Bravo for dating with dignity.

By Angelica Martin, DWD Marketing Assistant

I read an article a few weeks ago which claimed that a person’s dating style is directly correlated to his/her shopping style.  The theory primarily is this: People who search relentlessly to find the absolute perfect item tend to be unhappier and less fulfilled in relationships, whereas an individual who finds an item that is “good enough,” tends to have more relationship success.

Could this be true?  Could all my relationship woes be attributed to the fact that, for as long as I can remember, I’ve had an irrational need to search high and low for the flawless little black dress, or the perfectly distressed leather jacket, casting aside countless items that I deemed merely satisfactory in the process?

I decided to ponder this theory as I shopped for boots, the one item I decided I was going to splurge on this season.   I had a picture in my mind of what I wanted, and I found them immediately, at the first store I went to.  They were Frye boots, cognac, knee high, and more than a little more than I could afford.  But, my God, they were exactly what I was looking for.

I didn’t try them on right away; I knew what would happen if I did.  I’d fall in love, and I just wasn’t sure yet.  The Frye boots were a classic and I could wear them for years, but I started thinking about all the other boots I’d seen this season; the over the knee, the suede, the slouchy.  I could buy five other pairs for the price of my Fryes.  Was I willing to give all of them up for this one pair?

I couldn’t make a decision, so I went without.  I had NO boots for weeks.  I knew I loved those Frye boots, but I just couldn’t shake the feeling that the cost was too high.  I knew there was no way I would be able to make those boots mine until I looked everywhere else. And I did, look everywhere else.  I perused outlet malls, shopped online, and hit every boot sale within a twenty mile radius of my home.

While I found a few that were okay, I knew in my heart what I wanted, and none of the other boots felt quite right.   As I was diligently and a bit irrationally searching, a strange dynamic began to emerge.  It seemed that now, the less desirable boots were too expensive because I wasn’t willing to settle, no matter what the price.

It wasn’t until I became aware of this dynamic that I realized I didn’t want “good enough,” even if it meant forgoing momentary happiness.  I didn’t want five for the price of one.  I wanted one, my one.  So I marched right into Nordstrom, credit card in hand and determination in heart, and bought my boots.  And even though I usually buy my shoes half a size smaller, this time I opted for my true size.  Because when you find something so perfect, you want it to fit just right.

So, while I don’t mean to dispute the contents of the article, the search was worth it, and the same can be said for my relationship history.  I may have taken the long way, and I may have tried on my fair share of duds, and I may not have emerged entirely unscathed, but I remain hopeful.  I know my perfect pair is out there, and having shopped around, I also know it won’t be long until I find it.

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It’s almost 2010, and there is no better time than now to  bust free of the patterns and behaviors that are keeping you stuck in the romantic rut you have possibly been experiencing for years.  While it’s no easy feat, the first step is to identify what, in fact are those behaviors that leave you wondering and unhappy “the morning after.”  Here’s a simple, (although not without it’s challenges) step-by-step process to break free of your romantic rut:

1.  Think about those moments when it seems the voices in your head are screaming conflicting messages. For example, see someone whose smile gives you butterflies but leaves your feet frozen, your lips sealed?  What are the messages you hear from the “inner critic” inside your head?  ”Do, it!  Just talk to him/her” vs. “She/He doesn’t want to be bothered.  ”Walk away,” the inner critic shouts.  ”Just grab your coffee and move on!”  These moments provide an opportunity to look deeply at what keeps you from moving forward.

2.  Grab a piece of paper and pen. At the top of the paper, describe the “moment” above using just a few simple words.  For example, ” I want to talk to someone I find attractive.”  Next, ask yourself, what feelings result from my fear.  Perhaps your answer is something like this, “I feel fearful, afraid of rejection.”   Then, draw a downward arrow which begins at the original moment, leading to the resultant feelings or thought described above.  Draw another arrow.  What happens when you feel fearful and afraid?  Perhaps you convince yourself that it’s a smart decision NOT to speak to this person.  Once more, draw another arrow.  What is the resultant action from this thought or feeling?  Does this one sound familiar?  ”I look down, grab my coffee and leave the store.”  How does this make you feel?  Possible answer?  ”Ashamed and stupid.”  Ahhhhh.  Now then, if you feel ashamed and stupid, what will you do the NEXT time you see someone you want to approach?  Most likely, you will repeat this cycle endlessly. Becoming aware of these cycles is paramount to breaking them.

3.  Commit to making NEW choices in 2010. At what point in the cycle are you willing to make a new choice and adopt new behaviors?  For example, the next time you see someone attractive at the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf, (apologies to Starbucks, my usual coffee shop reference) you remember that today you will make new choices.  Then, when confronted with the “old” messages, you decide this time you will  make a different choice.  You will not be victim to the vicious cycle.  You choose defiantly; this time you will not look down.  Instead, you smile!  Perhaps today will not be the day you speak to this person, but you will be victorious in knowing this small thing — this smile — has lifted you up, freeing you from the romantic rut of yesterday.  As a result, you no longer feel ashamed or stupid.  You feel confident, proud of the way in which you have confronted your fears directly.  Bravo.  And then, perhaps, one day, the next time you get coffee, you will talk to this person,  complimenting him or her on her decision to go with the Hazelnut Soy Latte.

4.  Wash, rinse, repeat. By taking time to become aware of all your cycles, you can begin to make new choices every day.  New actions will bring new results.  Experiment.  See what behaviors continue to be challenging.  Congratulate yourself when you experience successes.  Gently dig deeper when you continue to feel stuck.  Either way, confidently trust that new results will bring happiness, fulfillment, freedom, peace of mind and dignity.  Continue to explore repeatedly, and watch your new life blossom as you transform before your eyes.

In January, 2010 I will launch a series of monthly 30 minute free tele-classes called “Date-Tactics 2010.”  During these 30-minute sessions I will teach, support you in your efforts to break free from romantic vicious cycles, help you make new choices, and answer your questions.  I hope you join me.  Watch the website for dates and times.  In the meantime, I’m looking forward to your greatness in 2010.

For months I have been discussing an array of tips and techniques to help you begin to transform the way you approach dating and relationships.  I know from many of you, this has been challenging, often frustrating, yet immensely fulfilling.  One of the most important things to remember on the journey to manifesting true love is that feeling slightly, or even very uncomfortable with new behaviors most likely indicates you are walking on the right path.  For someone who is letting go of people who don’t meet their needs, saying “it’s not a match,” to someone who may fill your time, but not your heart’s desire, or sitting with empty space during a Dating Fast, I applaud you!  You are brave.  You are stretching to new limits, making sacrifices to get what you want,  and living in harmony with your vision.  Here are a few common feelings, thoughts and actions you might be experiencing as  someone who is truly playing the game of life in new exciting ways:

Thoughts: While you are experimenting with new limits, setting expectations and making mistakes on the journey, you may be thinking, “What do I do next?” Perhaps you are having thoughts about how you might sabotage your efforts.  Imagining making choices that aren’t in harmony with your vision.  Or, perhaps you have feelings of self doubt.  Let me give you a reality check; these feelings are totally normal!  Remember, making change is challenging and the voice inside your head (the inner critic) will take any opportunity it sees to try to break you down, and return you to your old way of being.  Power through!  Remember to get centered, stop, think and make the best choice for you.

Feelings: While walking down this new, unpaved road in unchartered territory, you may become frustrated and fearful when you don’t experience immediate success.  Perhaps you are fearing that you will ultimately fail.  Maybe, you feel like your life is a roller coaster as you celebrate the “wins,” but become sad when you feel you experience a “loss.”  Nevertheless, you ultimately are enjoying more periods of peace in your life.  Your confidence is growing as you taste the sweet results of beginning to fall in love with yourself and the life you are beginning to create.

Actions: If you have set an intention to reach your relationship goals, and are continuing to work on creating a specific vision for your life, you will begin to experience new levels of clarity. With each new action comes increased awareness.  You may be experiencing new “ah-ha” moments, epiphanies, and improved connections with people in your life.  Each action results in movement, progress and increased self esteem.  When you take an action that is “old,” it feels odd.  You begin to see how this no longer fits your “new” self.  Mistakes are made, of course, yet they no longer bog you down.

I invite you to continue your journey with me as I improve this website, create new workshops, tele-classes and products to help you manifest love, intimacy and partnership.  I am here to support you.  Reach out, ask for help, and know that you have a partner in me as you design and create the biggest love of your life; your love of self and another.

LA Dignity Daters!  Can’t wait to see you at tonite’s workshop!  Haven’t registered yet?  Register now at: http://www.mcssl.com/SecureCart/ViewCart.aspx?sctoken=12a46223a27643d190878e51cebf6476&mid=11238FCC-6C84-4640-B4D8-817E72418500&bhcp=1

And remember, I can always be reached at datingwithdignity@gmail.com