I have worked with many clients whose quest for love and relationship has become one of the most important parts of their lives. In fact, there are many who seem to build their social plans around one singular goal: meeting members of the opposite sex. If you are not on a Dating Fast these days, (see yesterday’s blog for details) my invitation to you this weekend is to modify the approach you take to making plans. Instead of making the focus on where you could go to “meet men,” try to listen to your heart’s desire. Take time to get quiet. Listen to the voice inside. Where do YOU want to spend your time? On the hiking trail, checking out new music, or maybe you prefer to go to the beach, take advantage of another warm weekend?
Think about it, then read this article by Guest Blogger, 23-year-old Maya Burkenroad. Let me know how you approach your plans this weekend. I can’t wait to hear how it turns out.
By Maya Burkenroad
So I’ve recently embarked on a new era of my nightlife plans. I have come to the realization that, while going to bars that are known to have the most cute boys has always been a main focus, it’s quite frankly the worst idea ever. Let me tell you why.
When a girl goes out, their main objective is to find a guy to lock eyes with. He comes over, tells you he noticed you right away, you have incredible conversation while your friends talk to his equally handsome friends (yeah right, what bar is this?), he then asks for your number, tells you he’ll call, and calls you the next day for a date.
Unfortunately, this is what normally happens: you walk into the bar. See cute guy, think you are giving him your best bedroom eyes and that you will have him wrapped around your finger, when in fact he is probably telling his friends about the creepy girl totally checking him out. You barely talk to your friends as your force your way to the bar to somehow make “accidental” bodily contact with him. This normally includes elbows to the back, spilled drinks, which you of course offer to clean up, and some sore man toes. So you finally get to talk to your man who suavely tells you that he noticed you the second you walked in, which is complete bullshit. Meanwhile your friends are forced into talking to his sub-par friends. You say something like “we should hang out sometime.” He begrudgingly asks for your number, but tells himself that you’ll probably at least give him a blowjob. He says he’ll call, but instead texts you that night. Example: “really great to meet you, sweet dreams,” or “hey what are you up to now?” You feel good about this text, you are thinking, “he’s thinking about me before he goes to sleep” blatantly forgetting how difficult it was to get him to talk to you in the first place. Little do you know, the text wasn’t an “I am head over heels in love with you, text” it was an “ I really just wants to feel your boobs” text.
So after this text, he does one of three things –
1. Texts you 3-4 days later post office hours (after 6 pm) asking, “what you are up to?” “Do you smoke?” “Want to meet up?” This not him asking you on a date. This is him asking you on a not date.
2. Never calls (likely)
3. Asks you on a date (least likely).
There is a very simple reason for why the results we end up with are not what we wanted in the first place; guys and girls have different intentions when going out to bars and the like. Girls go out to get a date (admit it) and guys go out to meet girls and have sex with them the very same night, or soon after. Don’t get me wrong, guys are allowed to do their thing and chase the tail (if you will), but it just doesn’t have to be your tail they are chasing. Well maybe for a minute. . .
Think about it, all the great couples you know – did ANY of them meet in a bar? No, probably not. While some guys do go out in search of their soul mate, and some girls do go out to land some booty, in general we are in quite the conundrum here.
I’m 23. I am so not looking for my soul mate, or the love of my life. I may not be looking for a Sunday kind of love, but I am certainly looking for one that will last past Saturday night. So Instead of spending your entire night ignoring your friends who you CAME WITH to stare at some stud (yes I said it), go out, have fun with your friends, flirt, but just know that you are probably not going to meet the man of your dreams. And that’s ok, because he is probably just waiting for you in the produce section of the grocery store or something. . .