Dating With Dignity

One of the most alluring, yet dangerous MANimals to date is the Hunter. The Hunter is attractive, could “look good on paper” and can turn on the charm without hesitation. What’s more, he is a master at enticing women into the Faux Relationship. A Faux Relationship is one in which The Hunter receives girlfriend privileges, such as companionship, sex and Geisha-Girl type services without having to make a commitment.

If you find yourself dating a Hunter, you may:
1. occasionally cook him dinner, bring him his favorite coffee. or pick up take-out while he watches Monday Night Football (Geisha Girl Behaviors) The Hunter rarely, if ever, reciprocates.
2. believe that you can change his behaviors, even though he has no desire to change.
3. accept crumbs, believing that tiny morsels of attention are enough because he claims he is “busy,” “has lots of friends,” or is “temporarily short on cash.”
4. inherently believe that you are “different,” or “special,” which will ultimately result in the Hunter joyfully abandoning his commitment to singledom once he “comes ’round” to this realization.

One of the biggest signs you are dating a Hunter is that he will issue a Disclaimer once you have had sex, if not before. The Disclaimer conversation may look something like this:

Hunter: “I really like you Sue. You are one of the most amazing women I have met.”

Sue: “You’re amazing…this is amazing.” She looks deeply into his eyes, inciting panic in the Hunter

Hunter: He pulls back, returning her gaze. “It’s just, right now is not the time for me to be in a relationship. I’m focused on my career.” (insert any reason here including just took new job, ended previous relationship, moved to new apartment etc.)

Sue: “It’s cool. It’s fine.” She smiles, kissing him. (This is where Sue believes once he gets to know how amazing she is, Hunter will become ready to be in a relationship with her.)

Last, you can be sure you are engaging with a Hunter if the dating process like this:

1. The Hunter mostly asks you out via text, email or IM. He rarely calls “just to chat.”
2. He rarely invites you on a date in advance. Most often, dates do not occur on weekends. Late night calls on weekends are frequent.
3. He will spend time with you, after he spends time with friends. As a result, he may not see you before 10 pm.
4. Dates frequently consist of “hanging out,” watching movies etc. Ultimately, for obvious reasons, the Hunter wants you to come to his apartment rather than go out.

Throughout this dating experience, you may feel like you are on an exciting, dangerous Safari adventure. The Faux Relationship provides adventure, big ups, and lows that are dramatic. Just when you’ve had enough, however, the Hunter will reel you in. He will be charming, dole out more crumbs, take you on a lovely date, and declare that you, in fact, are special. The Hunter is adept at knowing when he must act the role of boyfriend in order to keep you near his cave.

Take note Dignity Daters. The Hunter, however, is NOT a jerk.

He has been honest, issued the disclaimer and made no promises to change. It is you who has agreed to accept crumbs. If your long-term relationship goal is to be involved in a committed, monogamous relationship, sever ties with The Hunter. Take responsibility for doing what is necessary to create space for a man who has similar goals to come into your life.