By Jason Miller | ComMENtary
1. Prepare for Flight
So here’s the scenario…
Loverboy is at your place, enjoying a late breakfast with you, laughing with you, touching you, looking at you in ways for which you’ve been waiting a really, really long time. You turn around for a minute to make some herbal tea, and, ok, also to hide that big ol’ smile taking over your entirety.
No need to be coy though; Loverboy’s smiling big, too. He watches you doing your thing, appreciating the way you always smell each of the tea boxes. He adores your unique peccadilloes and often tells you so.
Then this man who adores you looks out your kitchen window. He is dreaming of you and himself in the future, together, until the morning light through the alder tree catches his eye. He notices a dark storm cloud hovering over the forested mountain horizon. A new romance has entered his vision and it has nothing to do with the flesh.
Loverboy launches from his chair, folds his half-eaten slice of multi-grain wheat toast covered with marionberry jam into a neat square and stuffs it in his shirt breast pocket, then climbs out of the window into the yard. A wave of inspiration overcomes him as he gazes at a vibrant rainbow that appears to have sprung from the earth just ten feet away from your window. Without a sound, he strips off his clothing, tosses his belongings into the bushes (except for the toast – he holds on to that), and gallops up into the mountains to seek the other end of the rainbow.
Naturally, you’re left wondering a few things:
a) Why he left;
b) When he’ll return;
c) What did I do wrong?
d) Why do I date frickin’ Mountain Unicorns?
a) He felt a deep longing for something inexplicable (note: said “something inexplicable” is 99.9% sure to be something besides another human being);
b) When he’s exhausted his desire to find the other end of the rainbow;
c) Nothing. I’m serious! Nothing.
d) For the same reason that you like surprise parties? Wait for it…wait for it…SURPRISE!!
Note to self: Munis chase rainbows, not women.
What’s confusing here is that sometimes you are the rainbow. You know those days where he’s irresistibly loving and charming and emotionally connected with you? That day, that week, that month, maybe even that full year, you are the rainbow. You and, sometimes more importantly, the ideals that you represent – love, soul spelunking, vulnerability, nurturing, validation (huge, btw), devotion, shared growth, shared meaning – are all that he is seeking.
The beginning of a Muni romance is heavenly, intoxicating, and misrepresentative. When Muni decides that you are his rainbow to chase, he falls for you quickly and without compromise. Enraptured by the feelings and sudden rush of finding the end of a rainbow (you), he shares his heartfelt “I love you” much earlier than you’d normally be comfortable with, but “this time it feels like it’s so right”. His openness, his eyes adoring you at all times, all of his behavior patterns come together to give you conviction: I’ve found the man of my dreams. The only thing you’re still trying to figure out is how the heck this guy could have possibly stayed single for as long as he did.
Note to self: You are the rainbow today. Tomorrow, just a woman he loves.
“In contrast to the times when you were energetically with me, connected to me and us, your moments of unavailability felt as if you were kicking me in the stomach.”
~ A Woman I Loved
It broke my heart to hear it, lying there next to this dear woman I’d loved so deeply. We’d been broken up for about a year, which seemed to be the right amount of time to finally discover the words to explain our decisions to separate. Our relationship had lasted about a year and a half, but the last few months of it seemed to be hit or miss and, ultimately, the contrast was too sharp for her to bear and too mysterious for me to fix.
Hit or miss. It’s a common trait of the Muni man. (…Or woman. I’ve recently recognized that Mountain Unicorns are open to all genders…more on this later!) It’s never that we’re “bad” to you – we don’t get angry much, we don’t yell at you, we hate to hurt you – it’s just that we’re not always around to be “good”. And that, as you know, is maddening.
On one hand, we can be so dang phenomenal at putting you on the pedestal and showing you how much we care. In these moments, you are the treasure on the other side of the rainbow. Your happiness and our connection is all we seek. My good God it feels great and it feels right and it feels like it could never, ever go away. Ever.
On the other hand, you have to realize Mountain Unicorn is a Seeker. He (or she) will eventually require an adventure into the unknown, a foray into the dark, forested regions of his heart and soul, in order to quench his deepest thirsts.
If you’re a self-respecting woman, you’re probably asking yourself: Why in the world would any woman put up with this pumpkin pie nonsense? Trust me, Muni asks himself the same thing. And it’s questions like this that give reason for his distinct dating phases – multi-year jaunts of celibacy, multi-month fascinations with hyper-dating or makeout banditting or lovemaking, multi-week revisitations to old loves (if only in his mind), etc. These phases, coincidentally, are again just rainbows, ideals that he figures need to be, have to be, are simply required to be (by the laws of nature!) flushed out and experienced. All this so that he can know himself and live a mantra so wonderfully and simply quoted as so:
Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth.
Like Henry D., Muni is an idealist. His ideal is to be true, and he’ll do everything he can to not compromise on this, even break up with you despite the fact that he loves you wholeheartedly. He does not feel like he can give you his truth unless he knows it thoroughly and resoundingly for himself. This is why he chases rainbows.
So, lesson #1: Prepare yourself for Muni’s hit or miss flightiness. Rule #1: Be aware. He may not be able to communicate what’s going on with his confusing friend, Mr. Heart, but that doesn’t mean you have to be unaware. When you are aware of the Mountain Unicorn’s ways, his pullback will feel less like a kick in the stomach, perhaps more like a pinch in the arm.
And, of course, any Dating With Dignity woman always asks herself: Is it worth it? I’m a Muni, and I’ve been told it’s not. To that, I can only say: Thank you for giving me truth.
This lesson in Muni-dating is about opening awareness to the Mountain Unicorn way. In the next article for Dating with Dignity, I’ll give you the most important asset you’ll need in order to create a loving, workable relationship with a Muni.
…TO BE CONTINUED.
About the Author:
Jason Miller is the co-creator of the documentary film and non-fiction book, “Project Everlasting: Two Bachelors Discover the Secrets of America’s Greatest Marriages”. (www.projecteverlasting.com) Born March 2nd, 1978, he is an avid member of the Mountain Unicorns! Foundation (MUF).