When it comes to dating, women don’t want to waste time investing in a man who most likely isn’t looking for a long-term relationship. However, most often the tell-tale signs are camouflaged with good looks, being taken to a nice dinner at your favorite restaurant, or even consistently following thru on the basics such as calling when he says he will call, or arriving on time for dates. He will pick you up. He is polite, and respectful. These men, however, fall into the category of the MANimal Species known as: Quality Casual.
Mr. Quality Casual is truly a nice guy. He means well, however he really is not in a place in his life where he is ready, or able to make a commitment. Here are 7 signs to help you identify whether or not you are dating Mr. Quality Casual.
1. When he asks you out, the date regularly starts past 8 p.m. Mr. Quality Casual always has something to do before he meets you. Unlike a Frat Boy who wants to meet you after he spends time at the bar with his friends, the Quality Casual guy has reasons that are quite legit. For example, he has a conference call, networking event, important meeting, or a class at the gym he needs to fit in before the date. Either way, Mr. Quality Casual only wants to see you within the small spaces he has made available for his social life. If you notice this pattern, feel free to say in a tone that bares no sarcasm or anger, “Hey Mr. QC…. I would really like to get to know more about you. I have really enjoyed spending time together, and I’m wondering if we will be able to have a date soon that starts before 9pm.” This approach is non confrontational, and might even bring to his consciousness a pattern of which he was not aware.
2. There is a distinct pattern to the frequency and days on which you have dates. Mr. Quality Casuals date one or two days per week during the weekday, and will ask you out on one evening during the weekend. They will, not however, include you in other weekend activities.
3. If you are in an intimate relationship and spend a weekend night together, you part ways the next day before breakfast. Mr. Quality Casual loves to have “girlfriend privileges,” which can include the sleepover. However he does not want to spend his Sunday with you at the Farmer’s Market, sharing an oversized omelet and gingerly wiping syrup from the corner of your lip. He will perhaps make coffee, or offer to stop at Starbucks before he takes you home, but he has an agenda for his weekend day, and it most likely doesn’t include you.
4. Conversations between dates are infrequent and/or brief. The content of these conversations mostly pertains to catch-up, or making plans for another date. There is not much more idle chit-chat with Mr. Quality Casual in between dates. He most likely won’t share his biggest troubles, wins, or deepest secrets with you, especially on the phone. When Mr. QC communicates it is mostly to invite you on a date, inquire regarding your availability in the future, or just bare minimum check in to keep the relationship alive.
5. When he mentions plans to take vacations, travel to meet his family, or leave town for business; he doesn’t mention it until a few days before he is planning to leave. If you aren’t involved in the big details of Mr. QC’s life, you can be sure he isn’t interested in a long-term serious relationship. He will, however, tell you where if he has travel plans a day or two prior to his departure because it is relevant to making plans for future dates. In addition, Mr. QC never makes statements such as “someday we should go to (insert exotic location) together,” or “if you meet my family one day, you will learn that Uncle Sam is (insert odd character trait).”
6. He will go one or even two weeks without being available to make a date. You know you are dating Mr. Quality Casual if he only fits you into his life sporadically. When he has a big deadline at work, travels, or is otherwise distracted, you may not see him for one or two weeks. He will, most likely, contact you via phone, text or IM just to keep in touch.
7. He never invites you to join him when he goes to friends’ birthday parties, family events or other activities which involve his friends. This is the most significant sign you are dating a Mr. Quality Casual. Mr. QC will never invite you to parties, family events or include you in activities that involve his inner circle. In fact, he will let you know he is going to his “buddy’s birthday party in Hollywood,” or that it’s Aunt Susies 40th anniversary party, but he will not invite you. If he does invite you to a party with friends, Mr. QC will not introduce you as his girlfriend. Instead, he will state you are his friend.
Mr. Quality Casual is the perfect guy to date if your relationship goals do not include long-term commitment. If, however, you are looking for a serious relationship check in with Mr. QC soon to ask “his thoughts on marriage.” Use these words exactly, as they are an excellent way to determine if you have common relationship goals without making Mr. QC feel as if you are asking him if he is interested in marrying you. If marriage isn’t in his plan anytime soon, it’s time to say goodbye. Remember, creating space so that you can attract a man who is relationship-minded and shares the same relationship goals as you, is critical to finding the love you deserve.