Dating With Dignity

The fact is, most men and women unconsciously broadcast messages. Ladies, today this one is for you. What message might you be sending?

Are you the Tough Girl? The Tough Girl is a woman who might have a “cool girl” mentality, ashamed of her expectations, often feeling they are “too much,” or that if she makes her needs known, the man whom she is dating will see her as too high maintenance. Perhaps, the Tough Girl thinks, if she ditches the “cool girl” mentality she will be left for someone who doesn’t make her needs and expectations known. The Tough Girl also fears that if she puts her heart into the dating realm it will be most assuredly be broken. And as someone who has experienced heart break before, she is reticent to risk losing the new life she has built at the expense of a potential partner. In her core, she believes she will be hurt and that her tough exterior is the key to keeping her safe.

Happy Hour Anyone? Are you the Party Botch? The Party Botch is every man’s favorite girl to meet in a bar, at the game, or the 4th of July BBQ. She is bold, outspoken and doesn’t hold back her thoughts, ideas or feelings. She is a “man’s woman” yet most often, this is a façade as the Party Botch can only feel truly comfortable having imbibed in one too many cocktails or has used recreational drugs. She uses alcohol and drugs to help her feel confident, attractive and desirable. As a result, she often makes inappropriate decisions that leave her feeling questioning herself the next day. The Party Botch may see herself as shy, or a feminist. Perhaps she believes that without alcohol or drugs she will not be attractive.

I have to work. I’m behind on my Tivo. It’s too much work to go out. All the good men and all the good parking spaces are taken. Are you the Scared Girl? The Scared Girl has possibly been hurt by men before, and believes that all the good men, just like all the good parking spaces, are already taken. She is has tried online dating, is tired of meeting men in bars, and may pretend to believe that the other areas of her life are enough to keep her satisfied. In her heart, however, the Scared Girl would love to experience true love and intimacy with a partner she can trust. What’s more, while the Scared Girl will tell you it’s impossible to meet quality men in her town, it’s also possibly true she is lacking the guts to let him , once he comes into her life, love her back.

I’m successful and have lots of friends, but I can’t figure out why it seems like I have somehow slipped though the cracks. Are you the Nice Girl? The Nice Girl has it all going for her. She has a great job, lots of friends and a busy social life. She meets men who often become her best friends, yet she seems unable to attract men whom she finds attractive. Or, perhaps she’s attracted to the wrong men, guys who are “edgy”, the dangerous type not fit for the relationship she desires. Or, maybe the nice girl meets men who are focused on their career and too busy to be in a committed relationship. Either way, this nice girl wonders why she hasn’t yet met the man of her dreams, because she believes in her heart of hearts that she would be a loyal, committed and passionate partner. The nice girl is everyone’s great wing-girl, friend and confident, yet she’s worried she may be alone and miss out on the love, attention, affection and partnership she dreams of having with Mr. Right.

Or, maybe you are a combination of each of these women, depending upon your beliefs, assumptions and how you interpret experiences each day? Once you begin to notice these thought patterns and behaviors you can take steps towards fine tuning your instant message into one that attracts the right man for you. Remember, thoughts and feelings impact results. Want different results? Take steps to change the messages you broadcast today.